A WORK IN PROGRESS

2012-01-24T16:04:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post....feeling wonderful today...it doesn't happen often so i wanted to have it documented...especially since i felt so horrible yesterday and i wanted to quit, give up and just say "f' it"....it was just one of those days....they are going to happen...more often then i want them...but i have to just get through them and remember that there will be good days and bad :)

Today i got up and did 42 min on the treadmill and then went to the gym and did shoulders and triceps :)

Still jotting down my goals.....

figuring them out......

i will get them down :)

yay...its friday!

2012-01-20T12:17:00.001-05:00

Well its friday!! YAY!

Did pics and weigh in....not too great...but im looking at this as my starting point.....my eating was 99% this week....and so were my workouts....cardio was lacking a little...but all in all i think it was a great week...so my new word will be consistency......and i need to stay accountable.....

I want to be able to see weekly changes in my body...and in order to do that i need to stay consistent :)

This weekend is supposed to be crappy weather. Snow tonight into tomorrow. Not sure when we are getting Angelica yet.

My ceiling in my kitchen is still leaking....the plumber came on monday and said it wasn't a pipe....if it was a pipe it would be a constant leak....its really getting on my nerves that we cant find this problem....we have had 2 roofers, a water specialist and two plumbers....i want this done and over so we could do what we need to do in the house.

We are ripping up the bathroom and having it re-tiled, new sink/vanity.

I like this tile...

and after that is done i want to do the kitchen....

if i could...i would love to be able to do these colors....

well that is where my brain is.....

working on my short/long term goals.....

will be posting them soon :)

Oh...and Sally from Neumans Own Organic sent me some samples of their new cookies and licorice....i will be trying them this weekend and posting my review :)

bye!

Tuesday :)

2012-01-17T16:19:00.000-05:00

Hi all...

Well yesterday i took my first boxing class....it was interesting....i burned 440 calories so that was nice.....Im not sure if i would take it again though....basically all it was, was 10 min on your own jumping rope...then push ups and mountain climbers. then it was 3 rounds of bag punches....about 2 min intervals at which you did a sprint across the gym and back in-between each set of punches...then he had you do a bunch of crunches.,..while he stood there....and yelled what to do next...standing in the corner.....he did come over to me and help me put my gloves on since it was my first time...but all and all, i wasn't too impressed. And yesterday was leg day too in the morning, so i was really sore when i got home....

today was shoulders/triceps....my upper body is sore but im not sure if it is sore from boxing or my shoulder workout.....either way, im glad im a little sore :)

Weekend was nothing special.....we had Angelica on Friday-Saturday. Saturday night we went to dinner with friends of ours...i actually just got a salad with seared tuna on it....nothing on the menu was really interesting me....oh well. it was nice to get out :)

Sunday i went food shopping and prepped for the week. My meal plan is pretty good this month so its not hard to stick with. I must do pics on friday for Gen...i haven't done them in forever!!!

i guess that is all i got right now ;)

Monday, January 9, 2012

2012-01-09T14:39:00.003-05:00

Well the weekend went by way to quickly as always :)

Saturday went to get sushi with our friends. We did a polyanna and we haven't been able to get together during the holidays so we wound up doing it on saturday. It was nice. I got a PINK tee shirt and PINK perfume :)

Sunday I got up and ran to see my nephew and then ran to BJ's and then came home and cooked and prepped for the week (or half way through, depending how long it lasts ;)..LOL)

I didn't get up again for cardio (surprise) but i did have a decent leg workout at the gym. I will do my cardio when i get home.

I dont get it....its so hard it is to lose one pound but to gain 5? so easy! My clothes are tight....im not liking it at all. it is actually really starting to bother me...but im not going to get discouraged and sad about it...im just going to work to get rid of it. This bloat needs to go!!!

Other than that....nothing else going on. Life is the same...which is good :)

Im looking at shows to do.....im also looking into going to bombshell camp.

I need goals....long term and short term.

I need to think :)

bye for now :)

one day at a time

2012-01-03T15:24:00.000-05:00

Well Im back at work...blech....back to the grind!

today was back to the gym and back to packing up all my food for the day. I did legs this morning and it was looong! I have to do some plyos when i get home tonight because i ran out of time. Along with my cardio :)

Biggest Loser starts back up again tonight! I cant wait.....i love that show!

I stunk up my house so bad cooking on my indoor grill last night...my hair stunk, my clothes....i had to open up the front and back door to get air circulating and to get the stink out ;) I wish it was warm enough to use my outside grill still :(

Im still thinking about what my goals should be for this year....i want to try and do short term (monthly) and then my goals for the year.

I got on the scale this morning....i shouldn't have..but i did.....i need to hold myself more accountable...and i will be sending off my weekly pics again to Gen. I need to....i think a big reason of my weight gain through november and december was due to the fact that i didn't check in at all with my trainers...mentally i knew i was being bad and i didn't want to be reminded of it..so i just didn't check in. And the result of that is me being a meatball right now.

Adam had to go to Louisiana for work this morning :( The only good thing that comes out of it is that i can take my time when i get home...i can do what i want to do...i can take down the decorations, do my cardio, or just lay around if i want ;) Dont get me wrong, i miss him terribly when he is not around...but sometimes its nice to just do what i want at my pace :)

I was going to go to my sisters house tonight...usually I go there on Tuesdays...but i didn't bring enough food with me for one, and the other is that my mom is making chicken and dumplings (which I love) and i cant be around it...i know me...even if i had my food with me, i would want to "taste" it....so im taking myself out of that situation.

I still have so much guilt when it comes to being around my family. Like on Sunday...they were all going to be over my sisters for dinner....my family and nicky's family...the menu was: spiral ham, potato salad, stuffed shells, salad and string bean casserole. Now, none of that was on my plan and i really didn't want to go there to eat any of that. But because i felt bad not seeing anyone on new years day, i went...and i ate things i shouldn't have...just because i felt bad. What is wrong with me??? But this is what goes through my head...i have this constant fight of what i should do and what i want to do. And what I "should" do usually wins....but in that mindset, i make food choices that i shouldn't be.

Im rambling, i know....but this is how my brain works....i guess its the Italian Catholic guilt..LOL!

I hate me sometimes! maybe one day i will live my life for me....and not do what everyone else wants me to do!

2012-01-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

Well here we go..

2012...another year has come and gone....have i learned any lessons? have i reached any of the goals that i had set out for myself? I'm not sure....now don't get me wrong...i did not have a horrible year...im healthy, i have a great husband, a roof over my head, a loving family, a job that i like, so overall, i can't complain.

Were there things that i wish i could change? of course. But what i am learning is that you can't look back and say "what if". I can only look forward to what i want and what i want to become. Year after year i do the same thing. I look back with regrets. Im done doing that. Im starting with a new outlook..a happy, positive outlook....and i am going to see where it takes me....

I haven't blogged in a while...and scrolling down, you can see my whole year on one page...so not cool.

I am going to track my life more. So i can look back on this blog...and not have regrets....just to see what i accomplished and how i feel :)

Isn't that what its all about?

So if i have anyone out there who still reads this silly little blog, we are going to see what 2012 can bring for this gal ;)

Happy New Years :)

2011-10-21T15:41:00.001-04:00

It amazes me how much time goes by and I always want to domore on my blog and then 10,000 other things come up and I just don’t get achance. I am reading everyone’s though;)

So what is new? Well…weare going to Playa Del Carmen on November 12 for a week! I cannot wait!

Angelica is turning 13 in a few weeks….we are having herb-day dinner/party on November 4^th :)

Training is going well. My trainer has set a two week goal of 5 lbs (which would be October 28^th) Im going to try my best and get there…

Its amazing how when you do well with your eating how mucheasier it is to lose…picking here and there totally stagnates any progress onmy body. So I have to be good. I have been slacking sooo bad and it is sonot worth it. I have not made anyprogress in months…and its all because of my eating.

I weighed in this morning and had to send pics to Gen andShannon…im down 2lbs….who would have thought? Being 100% and doing what I should, actually works ;)

I am so tired of paying someone to train me and then notdoing what im supposed to do. What isthe purpose then? I am going to followit and do it right.

This whole year has been me messing up over and over again…notmaking any progress…actually getting worse, if that is possible….so I have to believethat it can be done with compliance…..

its been way too long

2011-09-06T14:19:00.003-04:00

I don’t even know where to begin...its been such a long time in between posts.

Work has been really busy lately too and I just run out of time to blog.

As always, im not where I want to be body wise. A part of me feels like such a failure. Not being able to be what I know that I can be. And then on the other hand, I am in acceptance of it and I want to be ok with not looking the way that I want to.

Every year it’s the same thing. And now, we are in the 9th month of the year and im no where near where I should be. I wanted to compete in June..that went out the window...then I said November and by the way that I look right now....there is no way in hell I can get where I want/need to be. It is all my doing...im not putting the blame on anyone but myself.

Anyway....I have to look at things in a better light...im happy, I have a wonderful husband, step daughter, fur babies, family and friends. I have a job, a house, a car and im healthy. These are the things that matter. Yes I want to get on stage and I want to look like Ava Cowan or Nicole Wilkins. Yes I want to look down at my stomach and see abs...not a roll...yes, I want no cottage cheese on my butt/thighs.....I digress.....anyway, you get the picture.

I love working out...and for the most part, I love eating clean. Yes there are times when I want to devour a whole brownie pan, but, I feel so much better when im doing what I should.

Having a positive mindset is probably the hardest thing to do. I try to actually talk to myself and give myself a pep talk...telling myself that I deserve this, I am strong, powerful, I can get through whatever obstacle I face. But I don’t believe it. And there lies the entire problem.

For example....I sent my weekly progress pics to momma....with a paragraph of basically saying that the pictures are bad, I made too many mistakes this week...blah blah blah....her words back to me??

“You have to either decide that this is a LIFESTYLE and you are changing for GOOD - OR you have to learn to be happy to live the rest of your life heavy. The choice is YOURS.

I want to see a BIG change in attitude this week. You need to care enough about YOU to make a change.

What's it gonna be?”

So there it is....my attitude is bad....so then my outcome is going to be bad. Im just not a positive person. Im always so negative about myself *(you can even see this in the above paragraphs).

So anyway.. Onto another issue.... I need to rant about something. There is this online “trainer” who thinks that he knows it all and feels the need to bash and talk about other trainers and their training philosophy. I don’t get it? Fine, maybe you don’t agree with that person’s training or whatever but to mock and to say that these trainers who train 100's of girls, don’t know what they are doing and he does? And to post it on facebook? Come on! Grow up! It just pisses me off. So the trainers who have dozens upon dozens of girls who are pros..they are all wrong??? So all of these IFBB pros who still do 2 cardio sessions a day along with their weight training while going into a show...they are all doing it wrong? So when Nicole Wilkins is doing 2x50 or 60 minute cardio sessions a day going into the Olympia...she is wrong too??? EVERY SINGLE pro that I ever either read an article on or see an interview with all say they do between 30-50 min of cardio a day....even in “off season”....Gina Aliotti still does cardio 6xs a week and she isn't even competing right now!

I really hope that I dont offend anyone by this.......these are just my thoughts.....I do feel better now though :)

where do i start?

2011-07-11T16:03:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe how fast the time just goes! It is just insane! I feel like I just blogged and its already over a month!

So what has been going on? Honestly it’s the same crap every day.

My 39th birthday was at the end of June. I still cannot believe that im that old! Anyway..hubby got me the Kindle which I love! And a new camera :) I needed a new camera badly! Had a cheat meal on that day ( It was a Tuesday) and I had my ice cream cake too :)

Well since I cant go back and remember the past month, I guess I will just stay with the present... This weekend adam had to go away for work in Indiana...which really sucked cause I wanted to go so I could see my bud :( But I couldn’t go....so I was all alone. I went and visited my family down the shore on Saturday for the day (oh, yeah, they got a shore house for the month of July but because of the dog we cant really go and stay with them...I cant put the dog in a kennel and my parents are usually the ones who watch him). Went to the beach and the to the boardwalk. I went on a few rides with my nephew and I bought him a hermit crab :)

Yesterday was a very busy day...I got up, ate breakfast, went to walmart, bj’s and got gas then headed home. I had to cook my food for the week (well probably until Wednesday or so). So I cleaned and cooked all day...I was exhausted by the time 9:00 came around...and I was done! I watched True Blood and then hit the hay!

This morning I got up and I did 35 minutes on the treadmill, then got my food together, walked the dog and headed out to the gym for my leg/butt/calves workout. It was a great workout! I was soaked!!!

what else???

Well im not sure who knows, or who even cares to know..but I joined Team Bombshell a while back! I absolutely love her style of training and nutrition. I am actually having trouble getting all my meals in.

But, like all plans, I have my issues with being able to stay strict and eat clean everyday. I struggle so much with the nutrition aspect of ANY meal plan, no matter who the trainer may be. Which is why I still look the way that I do. I am a perfect example of self sabatague. Whenever I feel like im doing well, I talk myself into “well I deserve this”...well you know what? I don’t....I deserve to look like a competitor, not like a frumpy mess. I don’t ever give myself enough credit. I think I am so afraid of what I might be able to look like if I just did what I was supposed to. When am I going to say enough is enough...I have been failing every time I try and do something....I need to trust the process....and its not like they don’t know that im not doing what im supposed to be...they do this for a living....they know what works and what doesn’t. So I cant be properly judged and have changes made if im not doing what im supposed to be doing.

I try and write down what I eat...but I run out of time. I get so mad at myself sometimes. I need to focus on me and not what everyone else is doing. And I start to get to the point where I don’t want to even tell anyone that I work out because I don’t even look it!

So im going to just stop talking and reading and everything else and just do. One day at a time, one meal at a time. I want my trainer to be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself! I will never know what I can become if I don’t let it right?

My friend Tara said this to me: Angela, do you honestly think those HUNDREDS of girls have something you DON'T? Not a chance. Far too many of them up there for you to be counting yourself in some other class or something. Half of 'em probably don't even have your good genetic shape, either. You don't see it. I do. I want to smack you sometimes! It's ironic how you see that...and I SO do not! The A class needs some real competitors, too...so hurry up and get in there. Your age is just when you were born. You look nothing like your age, so your body is just young on top of being a great shape. Go after this. Don't regret not doing this! xo!!

And she may be right....yes I do have a lot of fat to lose, but I do have a decent shape I guess? I mean I have the boobs and the butt ;) Now if it was all tight and tiny...then maybe we would have a winner ;)

So I talked to Shannon about doing KY Muscle again and she thinks that I can get there and do well...but I have to really step it up...no more cheats, nibbles, etc. I have to put it all out there.

April talked to her too about doing it....so now im telling you Ms. April....we got 18 weeks...lets show them what we got ;) We can do it..... I need to do this...and to do it right!

So once again....let the games begin! T minus 116 days and counting.......

alive and kicking

2011-06-01T16:42:00.000-04:00

All is well in angela land....just trying to do too many things at one time...
everyday i say i want to post...and then time gets away from me and another day goes by without one.

Workouts great..diet is great....trainer is great....

Family is doing well.....hubby and me are good :)

Got two wisdom teeth out last week...that was not fun...but im healing ok...still not able to eat on my left side but im eating :)

work is super busy....which is when i usually will blog...hence the non-blogging ;)

hopefully i can do more tomorrow :)

bye!

Monday, April 25th :)

2011-04-25T16:13:00.002-04:00

Happy Monday!

I cannot believe how fast time goes. Easter is already over and my nephew and niece turned 3 last week.

training is going well. New meal plan and new workouts are kicking my butt! I love it. I seriously do...its like a whole new world :) I am actually enjoying working out and doing what I need to do because I know its going to get me where I need to be!

Today was legs....started off with some early morning cardio at home on my treadmill :) Then went to the gym and did legs....my face was so red and I was soaked! Loved it!!! I almost didn’t finish but I made myself finish. I didn’t want to give up...so I pushed forward and did what I needed to do!

I needed a good ass whoopin too because yesterday’s diet wasn’t so great...I saved my free meal for yesterday instead of Saturday so I would be able to enjoy easter dinner with the family. I really don’t know how people eat like that everyday..,cause I felt like crap...eating that way is not for me anymore...I just cant do it....give me sushi or a slice or two of pizza every now and then and im good to go :)

The weather is beautiful today...it makes me smile....and I really don’t want to be in work because its so nice out....but what is good is that I don’t have to do so much cardio anymore...which is wonderful! Once in the morning and then im done! Its good to have evenings to myself to get my food together and have hubby time and house cleaning time :)

I need to keep this blog updated more....I really like to be able to look back and see what was going on in my life....gotta remember that :)

oh, and I got my hair cut last wednesday...it was getting so out of control....so now its all layered up and healthy again :)

I want to try and figure out what show I can do this year...I wanted to do june..but the way time is just flying by...I cant see it happening....so it will probably be fall...which is fine...cause I want to be ready....not just get up there for the hell of it...

I guess that is all I have for now.....

getting back in the swing of things

2011-04-01T11:58:00.000-04:00

Its been way too long since i posted...so i want to try and hold myself accountable (yes, once again)...

Im starting a new plan on monday....i have to go food shopping and get all my food prepped for the week. I think i need a new food bag too...

im also in the process of trying to clean my house and throw things away. I put in a bid for a new house...which they accepted but it is contingent upon me selling mine....hence, me cleaning ;)

But i have an issue with a leak in my ceiling in my kitchen....we thought it was the roof..then thought it was the bathroom....still trying to figure it out....i need to get a water specialist (yes there is such a thing) and see where its coming from...the roofer doesn't know and the plumber cant figure it out either....so my house is going up for sale and there is a giant hole in my ceiling...not good...so i have to get it resolved quick! Its a mess!

That is really all that is going on....i lead a pretty boring life for the most part....

once i get back on track with my eating plan and i start shedding this fat to be lean and mean i will feel better :) And hopefully will post more :)

alive and well

2011-02-22T13:14:00.001-05:00

I guess for the most part...i actually thought i was hacked..but i think its ok...one of the blog links that i had up on my blog was asking for log in info...so it was affecting my blog too? who the hell knows what i did...anyway...i think its ok...let me know if you are getting any pop ups when you go on my blog..i was going to switch to wordpress...its a pain in the ass....so as long as im not hacked..i will stay here :)

i will post more...just wanted to get this out

words of ava ;)

2011-02-10T15:56:00.000-05:00

"You cant be a champion if you don't do the right thing every single day...day in and day out...it just cant happen"

im such a gleek :)

2011-02-09T12:42:00.003-05:00

Yes...im a dork...and im 38 years old! They are coming to philly on june 8th....and yes im getting tickets for me and my sister! I told her and she was so excited...she said "we have to get good seats!!!!...LOL! Love it!!

is it possible?

2011-01-28T13:25:00.000-05:00

Wow..it just amazes me how fast time just goes. Even just the time during the work day. January is over already...its just crazy!

Everything is going well on the fitness front. Im not sure how much I have lost since I got my new diet on January 4th but im feeling good. Clothes are still fitting comfortably and the boobs are getting lighter so I know im losing but its slow....and I get impatient and I want it now but I know its not how it works so im just taking it a day at a time.

My flight and the hotel is booked for the Arnold! Im so excited I get to see my bud again! Its been a year!!! Way too long! There are also a bunch of other chickies that im excited to see again and also some that I talk to but have never met...I get to finally meet them in person too! So this should be a fun trip....as long as it doesn’t snow and make it hard for me to get out of philly. (Fingers crossed). Two girls are competing in the amateur on Thursday night so we are going to that show this year..last year we didn’t go but this time we are...so that should be fun....we are going to have to hustle our butts to get there because my flight gets in at 3:00 and the show is at 7:00 so hopefully we will make good time and get there as early as we can :)

In my last post I had mentioned some goals that I had in my head and I really hate even putting them out in this blog because it seems so out of reach for me sometimes and it is just a dream for me...but maybe if I put it in writing it will make it more realistic? Probably not but what the heck right? I want to be able to place at a show so that I qualify for nationals...there...I said it...I have a lot of work to do and im not even sure if its even possible...but everyone needs a goal right?

To be able to qualify for nationals seems like such a big impossible dream....well so would being on the national stage!

It is going to take a lot of work and sacrafice and tears to get where I want to be. A part of me believes that I can do it...the other part thinks im out of my mind....

I want to see what side wins ;)

Happy New Year....(a week late)

2011-01-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

Wow...I figure I may as well post since it has been exactly a month since I last blogged. I promise that I will keep up with this more...especially since I really want to take some notes regarding my workout regime and how im feeling. Basically just to be able to look back and know what was going on during the weeks and months as they go by.

I don’t want to continue to have this blog as a bashing session for me to put myself down and oh woe is me. I have been playing the victim for way to long. I continuously and repetitively put myself down over and over and it just gets me nowhere.

So with a fresh year we are going to have a fresh outlook...and I am going to make this my year. I have plans in my head that im really not ready to say out loud. I will soon though.

First off...I just have to backtrack on here for a minute.

The holidays were nice. They weren’t so nice to my butt though. I gained some poundage....not a whole lot but some. I just couldn’t be a good girl everyday....and somehow I still have that mentality that I deserve it...whatever....maybe some day I will learn ;) But its done and over. There is nothing I can do so I move on....

Christmas eve my mom cooked...the Italian 7 fishes meal...way too much food....and some of it is fried...I helped cook so my clothes stunk like fried food when I got home and so did my hair...ugh! We have Angelica for Christmas eve so we do her presents then. She makes out well ;)

Christmas day (morning) we went to my sister’s house to see my nephew wake up to see what Santa brought him....oh and santa brought a whole lot!! You couldn’t even walk! It was crazy! And the funny thing was, he saw this Cars racetrack and that was all he could care about...we were all trying to get him to look at all his other presents....couldn’t care less....then we ate breakfast at my sisters and then opened presents and then went home for a bit. For dinner we actually went to my brother-in-law’s sister’s house....sounds confusing but if you know anything about my crazy family you will know that while my family is close, his family is also....and there are many holidays we all spend together so it wasn’t an odd thing. Dinner was great....Nicky’s sister Kim is actually watching what she eats and has lost about 50 pounds so far and so our dinner was pretty healthy......well healthier than it normally would be.

New Years Eve, me and adam went to dinner with my parents and then just went back to their house for midnight...it was nice and quiet and perfect :) And I didn’t overeat at dinner which made it even better!

Now back to the present.

I put in for new workouts/diet plan and I started on Monday (well the workouts on Monday and the diet Tuesday). I have a lot of prep with Mike’s meal plan..but im constantly eating which is nice.

(this pic was taken from Gina Aliotti's site..i printed it out real big and have it by my treadmill :)

I have my work cut out for me....but I know I will get where I want to. I just need to remember to take one day at a time.

Lets do this!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday :)

2010-12-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

It has been so long since i have posted...im such a bad blogger ;)

A short and sweet update is in order...

Thanksgiving was great. Ate too much, of course.

Saturday after thanksgiving was adam's 40th birthday....and for his birthday we went to Cancun :) It was a glorious week long vacation filled with guacamole and pina coladas :) I probably gained 10 pounds...which i know is mostly fluff from eating and drinking crap and its slowly going away. I did make it to the gym 3 days out of the 7 but it probably didn't matter due to all the food....all inclusives are good and bad...good that you dont have to worry about having all the extra money to spend on food and drinks but bad because some of the choices you make you wouldn't necessarily make if you were paying for it. We had a wonderful week and had only one day of bad weather (which wasn't really bad...just cloudy and windy).

We spent the week there and on Sunday i had dinner for him and my family came over to help celebrate :)

So now its back to reality and back to the gym and packing my food. I feel better now that im back on track :)

But with the holidays coming im going to have to really keep an eye on my food intake.

It felt really good to get into the gym yesterday. I did legs. today i did shoulders.

Now here is my issue for today. I always seem to compare myself to others...case in point....there is this girl at my gym..i see her every so often. She is very lean and i know she works hard..but before seeing her i was feeling good doing my shoulder workout....then standing next to her and seeing how nice her arms are and her legs, etc...i wanted to kill myself (not literally of course) but i get so mad at myself....why cant i look like that? I work hard, i eat fairly well (well not this past week) but you know what i mean. I think sometimes that i will never look like that...i hate thinking like that, but i feel like i will never look the way i want to.

I have had this blog for how long now? 3 years? and i still have the same issues...yes i got down to 102 pounds, and yes i competed twice...but i am still a mess...and why? because instead of continuing to build on the foundation that i had, i ate.

I dont want to go on this woe is me bullcrap but i need to just basically shit or get off the pot...as the saying goes.

I need to realize that i cant have it both ways...i cant eat what i want and then expect to look good. Why is it so hard for me to comprehend ? I still want to eat things i shouldn't and still want to have a lean physique.,.it doesn't work that way...i know that.....yet i still do wrong?? Its such a viscious horrible circle that i have been dealing with for years and years. I dont know what i think im missing...i know what chocolate cake tastes like, i know what chocolate tastes like....and its all mind over matter....i know all this....

i need to stop talking now.....cause im just rambling ;)

P28 Bread Review

2010-11-18T12:52:00.003-05:00

Jeff from Nutribread was kind enough to send me a loaf of their incredible P28 bread. I was instantly in love. Taking the loaf out of the box and grabbing the loaf of bread and reading the nutritional information on the package it at first seemed too good to be true! Can it be? Can a piece of bread actually taste good and have 14 grams of protein in one slice of bread? The answer is YES!!!!! Now being pretty restrictive in my diet for so long a slice of bread is taboo in the figure/bikini/fitness world...well now it doesn't have to be! My hubs was loving it too! This is a total godsend! Now, dont get me wrong, im not being super strict right now but even when i am XX many weeks out, i cant possibly see how this cant be incorporated into one's diet, once in a while??

Here are the nutritional facts....not too bad huh?

Well i must also say that i got sad when the loaf was dwindling down....and hubs was trying to eat it all and i was getting very stingy and possessive ;) So i went online on monday and i ordered a case (which is 4 loaves) and it came in the mail yesterday :) 2 day service to make it even better!!! I froze 3 loaves and one is out. It is so fresh and soft and it makes you feel like you are being bad by eating bread...but your not! You MUST try this bread!!! A case of 4 was only 20.00 and with shipping i think it was 26.00?? Honestly, i didn't care spending it because it is that good :)

Banana Walnut Crumb Muffins

2010-11-05T14:30:00.006-04:00

I had 3 ripe bananas..i was looking for an easy recipe that i could make that i would be able to tweak a little to make it "somewhat" healthy. I did...thanks to a blog that i found "Culinary in the Country" i made these

Banana Muffins :)

I changed it up a little bit to make it a "little" bit healthier...i did wind up using real sugar but I used I cant believe its not butter, and i added a scoop of vanilla protein powder to the mix. Also, i added a handful of chocolate chips and i also added some walnuts into the batter...not just in the topping :)

Banana Walnut Crumb Muffins

For the muffin batter

1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 large ripe bananas -- mashed with a fork
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg -- well beaten
1/3 cup butter -- melted ( i used I cant believe its not butter)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

For the Crumb Top

1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon flour
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon cold butter
1/4 cup finely chopped, toasted walnuts

Set oven to 375 degrees. Lightly spray a 12 cup muffin pan with cooking spray.

In a large bowl, combine all dry muffin ingredients (except for the sugar). In another bowl, combine the bananas, sugar, egg and melted butter; mix well, stir into the dry ingredients, only until moistened. Fill the muffin cups 3/4 cup full.

Crumb Topping: Combine brown sugar, flour, cinnamon; cut into butter until crumbly, add in the nuts. Sprinkle over muffins.

Bake 18-20 minutes, or until muffins test done. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Here are some pics...

Im not a food photographer...and i took them with my iphone....

I was pretty excited...they smelled sooo good while they were baking...and yes i had a half of one :)

the rest went to work with me and with hubby...

I was proud of myself...i am really enjoying baking....maybe I should start a food blog???? LOL!

I will keep you posted with that one :)

happy wednesday

2010-11-03T12:49:00.003-04:00

Some days are just better than others. And what im beginning to learn is that when i get my ass out of bed to hop on the treadmill, the day seems to start out so much better. I did only get in 26 minutes, but i also got a load of clothes done and i made breakfast and got our lunches together too....oh and took out the trash :)

Monday's workout was brutal. I must have gone heavier than i am used to because it is still hard for me to walk. Getting up and down out of my chair at work is a chore...and because i have to pee so much because of the water, its beginning to bug me.

I went to my sister's last night to see my nephew. I had a bag of frozen shrimp left in her freezer so i made that and a salad...they had pasta. I did have a meatball though ;)

When i got home from there, Adam wasn't home yet from taking Angelica to karate and to dinner (it was her 12th birthday yesterday...we celebrated on friday night since her b-day fell during the week). I decided to take down the Halloween decorations....ugh....it feels like i just put them up, and then i sat....and at around 9:30 i decided to get ready for bed....took a hot bath to soak my aching legs and that made me sooo sleepy! I think i was out cold by 10:15 or so....so i got a good nights sleep....hence me able to get out of bed...its the only way i can do it.

What i am discovering about myself is that i have this mentality that because i dont have a "show date" that i can just lay back and eat things that i shouldn't (i.e....the pumpkin cookies that my mom made on halloween or the harvest blend m&ms)...that is not me. I like being strict with my eating and knowing that what i am eating is good for me and is going to make me feel better and look better. so why do i feel as though i am "allowed" to eat those bad things? especially when i have a trip that i will be wearing a two piece bathing suit at in 24 days??? Yes, 24 days....and it will be here so quickly!

So i have decided to pull out my diet from last year around this time and do my best to continue to eat clean and get as much treadmill time as i can.

Oh and did i mention that i have my 20 year reunion on November 20th? yeah....dont want to go...i went to my 5 year and that was torture...

the thing is, the people that i want to talk to i do...and there is a reason that i dont talk to the other people i went to school with...and with facebook...i know what is going on in their lives...i dont need to see them...but my one good friend was president of her class and she is organizing the stupid thing so i told her i would go. UGH!

So i need to be good and not a bloated cow for the next few weeks....i think i can handle that ;)

I wanted to also thank Amyella for introducing me to a blog....dooce She is a great, funny writer...,and she takes pictures daily of her kids and especially of her two dogs....nothing better than a dog in a halloween costume....check it out :)

its me!

2010-11-01T16:38:00.002-04:00

Man, I have been trying to update for so long...I just run out of time.

I guess I have to go back a few weeks. I guess it was about the 12th of October or so, and I was beginning to make myself crazy worrying about if I was going to be ready or not for this show. Me and April were going back and forth talking about it....it was beginning to become so stressful. On her end, she had to lose a day off of work without pay...and just the whole money issue itself was getting me nervous. Don’t forget I had to fly (which was $225.00)..plus the room ($120 a night) and my suit getting restoned and the NPC card (90) and entry fee and tanning...so it would have been a really expensive time and without me really setting aside money for it and then on top of it all to worry about christmas right after...so we said lets just not do it this year.
But with this comes my brain doing a 360!

Some of my thoughts:

• How do I cope? I have no goal? What do I do? This has been all I have been thinking about for months!
• Cardio...I don’t have to do 2 hours a day now?
• Oatmeal? I can have my oatmeal back? I missed it so!!!• Im such a loser, I cant believe Im not competing this whole year....I tried to do 3 different shows and messed up during all of them.
• Why do I make myself crazy?
• I know what I want to do...I just have to do it
• I need more muscle I just don’t want to get on stage like I just lost weight.. I want to belong
• ooh...I don’t have to get up at 5:00!

So after all that....I felt ok....at peace...kind of. Because during all this me and hubby also decided to book a trip to Mexico for his 40th birthday. We talked about it back and forth and I was all excited cause I would be all thin from my show on the 14th and then two weeks later I would be all thin for mexico.....well now, there is no show....and my eating eased up a little....so now im not where I want to be for my trip! Ugh!! I hate being me sometimes!! Im so crazy with myself constantly...its exhausting! LOL!!!

So we are going to mexico the Saturday after thanksgiving...so im excited about that!

What else is going on ??? Mmmm.....not sure....nothing else really exciting....

Halloween was fun....we took my nephew out trick or treating..he was Woody from Toy Story...he kept saying he wanted me to be Jessie...but adult jessie costumes were 45.00 and I wasn’t spending 45.00 for an hour of trick or treating ;) But he was so cute and I just love his face!!! Even though he wouldn’t take a picture with me! Grr.!

I did make some cute cupcakes that I got from this fabulous blog and I wanted to try them...I think they came out really cute!!!I was a little impressed with myself ;)

So I guess that is all I got..but at least I finally blogged! Its only been nearly a month! I suck!

I will try and keep up....if there are any readers out there left ;)

see its another tuesday already!

2010-10-05T16:20:00.001-04:00

Wow..its already a week since i posted last....

this past weekend hubby went away for work...i was so sad....it really makes you realize how much you love someone when they are not right there next to you...i had anxiety all day yesterday in work because he was supposed to come home on an earlier flight but it was cancelled due to weather and then his scheduled flight was delayed a few hours....so he didn't get home until 7:00 last night...and that was after being at the airport from 6:30 am! I was so happy to see him....and i know he missed me too :) So last night was fun :)

This weekend was also crappy from the standpoint that i still felt like shit and i wanted to rip my head off my shoulders cause i couldn't breathe and then i was coughing too....so running was out of the question....

weight was the same this week as last....so now im 6 weeks out and im behind.

Im feeling better now so cardio is back on but missing those few days hurt. I had to send pics in to mike and i put in for a new diet on saturday....and usually he is good with getting it to me by sunday night so i could start it on monday....STILL DONT HAVE IT!!!!!! So im still following my old meal plan but he better get it to me soon!

So that is kinda pissing me off.....

I did find out that Ava Cowan is doing the KY Pro show....so i would get to see her in person which will be incredible.....if i make it to Kentucky, that is.....im giving myself to 4 weeks out....im not buying my plane tickets until then.....if i dont see any improvements, i may have to just suck it up and not do it....i want to, but i dont want to get up there if im not ready.

Suit.....im re-stoning April's green suit.....i bought the hot fix stones to glue the stones to the suit....it is looking pretty good...except for the fact that when i went to put it on to take pics...like 5 stones came off! That isn't good....so i dont know what to do about that??? Any suggestions would be appreciated :)

Other than that......hmmmm....oh....Erin Stern posted some progress pics on facebook.... i copied them to put them on here...but it just makes me feel like there is hope for me.....even though im a lot older...im thinking i can change.....but its going to take time.....

Happy Tuesday :)

2010-09-28T15:55:00.002-04:00

Not feeling that great today. Woke up with a sore throat :( I cannot get sick right now....ugh! My legs are aching a little from yesterday’s leg workout too...so getting up to go to the bathroom 800 times a day hurts a little :)

Well this past Saturday was 7 weeks out....OMG...im starting to freak out a bit....April says that we have until October 13th for our cut off date to see if we are definitely going to make it.

I watched some of the Olympia coverage over the weekend. Honestly, all of the competitors are amazing! No matter where you placed....just BEING in the Olympia or just QUALIFYING for the Olympia is an accomplishment in of itself. I look up to so many of them for their dedication and their commitment. If you ever lose your fire and want to give up, just look at them, there is no way that you don’t get it back! I would love to go to the Olympia one year and see it in person. It has to be incredible experience! Like the Arnold is...just seeing so many spectacular physiques in one place...what more could you ask for! I watched bikini and fitness on Friday and watched figure on Saturday....but went to sleep and I didn’t get to see who won until I got on the computer on Sunday morning. I knew, from seeing pics from prejudging that Erin was taking 1st. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Nicole and would have loved her to take 1st again, but seeing them lined up, you knew that Erin should have taken it...she deserved it....actually, they all deserved to win and I would die to look anything like any of them.

my weight on Saturday was 113.4. Looking back at my blog from last year, at 6 weeks out (which is this coming Saturday, I was 109. So even if I come in at 111-112 this Saturday, im still behind weight wise. So I don’t know what im going to do about that.

I feel a little different this time around though?? I may have a bit more shape this time around...maybe a bit more muscle...probably not, but I have my fingers crossed on that one ;)

So this Saturday will be 6 weeks and I have to do pics again for mike. So diet will change again too.

Energy wise, im doing ok. Well today I cant count because I kinda feel like crap, but on the whole, I have not been overly tired. Getting up for my morning cardio is getting easier, I just have to get up a bit earlier. Right now, by the time I get out of bed and dressed, and take my supps and hop on the treadmill, It is almost 5:30, which only gives me 30 minutes of cardio...so I want to start getting at least 45 minutes in, in the morning...cause time is a tickin....PM cardio is 45-60 min.

Im getting plenty of food still....so im not really hungry...unless I don’t get my next meal in..then im a raving loon! My body is so used to eating every 2-3 hours now, that once I hit that time, if I don’t have my next meal ready...my body is telling me to eat!

This weekend I will also be on my own...adam has to go to Kentucky for work. I wanted to go, but really, there would be nothing for me to do there....and having to worry about getting my meals and workouts in while away would be too stressful. So I will be home for the weekend with the pup :) My mom will also be without my dad this weekend...he is going golfing in Florida...so I will have a family weekend which is fun....there is a farm in jersey that is having a pumpkin fair this weekend...so my sister wants to take my nephew...so we will go to that on Saturday...they have hay rides, and pumpkin picking...all that fall stuff which I love!!

Well I guess that is all I have for now....until we meet again :)

better

2010-09-22T16:19:00.000-04:00

Feeling a bit better today....no more bashing myself ;)

I will blame that TOM for yesterdays post!

Yesterday i wound up doing cardio at 3 different times of the day....

i got up in the morning and did 32 min..then went to the gym at lunch and did 27 min...went to my sisters...came home by 8:00 and then did another 40 minutes :)

This morning i did 20 min EMC on the bike and then went to the gym and did my back workout.

I definitely think that im starting to get a bit leaner. My pants are starting to get big..which makes me smile :) Now, dont get me wrong, i still have a loooong way to to in the lower body fat department but i feel good today.

I have been noticing though that my tops are fitting me different.....and my bras....they are tighter...in my lats and in my arms. I remember a post that Kari did a while back ( i cant remember where it is) that she was saying how she was needing a bigger size because of her back....now i am in no way comparing her awesome back to mine, but maybe....just maybe...there is a little bit of muscle underneath this layer of flub ;) We shall see i guess.

Today marks 7.5 weeks out......um......so much to do yet....im glad i booked the hotel at least :)

Im also hungry a lot faster recently.....maybe my inner fire is kickin ;) burn the fat off please :)

thoughts

2010-09-21T16:08:00.001-04:00

Well as i sit here at work im thinking to myself that im not sure that i can do what i need to do to be ready in a little less than 8 weeks.

I try not to think that way. Im trying to keep all of the negative comments out of my head. But its hard not to.

I think part of it is because right now im so tired and cranky and a little hungry (oh and i have my period).
Giving up is not an option. I know that....but sometimes i think that no matter what i do, im not going to be ready. And yet again, i am going to be going up on stage looking like a gross mess.

****

today was shoulders....my favorite.....i did get up for EMC...got in 32 minutes...then hit the gym for shoulders....

at lunch i went back to the gym and did 20 min on the stepper and i ran out of time and only got in 7 minutes on the EFX machine.....i wanted a total of 30 but hey, what can i do? I had to get back to work.

Im going to my sister's tonight...i have my dinner with me. I want to be home for 8 so that i can watch Biggest Loser which starts tonight....i want to get on the treadmill and watch it...i will be able to get through the session easier with that show :)

its Friday :)

2010-09-17T11:21:00.000-04:00

Wow...for some reason i have all this energy and i just want to document it ;) LOL!

I am copying a link from MD that Jessica posted on her blog.its a video of Cheryl Brown 6 weeks out from the Olympia....I love her...I got the chance to meet her at the Arnold and she was so sweet and her body is amazing! Another reason that i love her is she is 38 :) So there is hope for me yet! LOL!

I didn't get up this morning for my EMC. I was exhausted last night but because im a glutton for punishment i stayed up till 11:00 watching Jersey Shore...so when 5:00 am came, i couldn't move....and then i fell back to sleep and the next thing i knew it was 5:40 and too late to get dressed and down on the treadmill..i would have been on there for 10 min...so i got to the gym and i had a great chest/leg shaping workout! It was all supersetted...one chest exercise with a leg exercise...so my heart rate was up the whole time! I felt great afterwards :)

Tomorrow is 8 weeks out....i feel really good today...i feel leaner and peppy, happy and strong :) I hope this continues!!!!

I have to do my cardio today at lunch time since we are going out tonight for my mom's birthday. And i have to stop and get wine too since there is a state store down the street. So i will get probably 30-40 min of cardio done at lunch and if i get home at a decent time tonight, maybe i can do more.

Tomorrow my sister has to go to a wedding so i get to babysit my nephew :)

love him!!!!

how does it happen?

2010-09-16T16:33:00.002-04:00

Alright...now before i have a heart attack...i just checked the days countdown clock....58 days!!! 58 freaking days!!!!! WTF? Why is time going so fast!!! Slow down!!!!

So for the most part workouts have been good...eating good...cardio good...im a little tired sometimes...like right now...as i sit here chugging on a giant cup of coffee just hoping to wake up!

I have another cardio session when i get home....

tomorrow is my mom's birthday. we are going to dinner so i have to be careful. I will just ask for my chicken unless they have a decent fish... dry and have some veggies or a salad.

I just feel like i have so far to go and im never going to get there..im staying true and im digging deeper than i have in a long time to try and get to where i need to go. Saturday will be 8 weeks out. That is still 2 months. I can make some changes in that time if i just keep my head in the game. Patience, dedication and determination, right?

As soon as i got done eating my lunch i was starving again. Like so hungry that my stomach wanted to eat itself! I kept drinking water waiting for it to pass a little...it did...thank god...and now im drinking my coffee and i ate..then as soon as i get home i have to eat again and then do my cardio and eat again...and then before bed, i have to eat again! LOL! So im really not starving by ANY means...im eating almost every two hours...which actually can get annoying because if im working and my food sits by me at my desk and i dont eat it right away, the next thing i know, its almost time for me to eat again....case in point...i got really busy this morning and missed my 11:30am meal. Hey....maybe that is why i was so hungry after lunch? LOL!

what else???

oh, i did exercise ball exercises against the wall doing squats and lunges..they were actually kind of fun...i will have to do them more :)

I finished the first half of the 1st season of Glee on DVD! My sister got the second half ...im waiting for her to finish it so i can take it from her! Im so in love with this show! And now the second season is starting but i cant watch it until i finish the rest...so i will have to DVR it....

workouts so far this week have been:

Monday: 30 min EMC-gym-legs-pm 45 min
Tuesday: 20 min EMC; gym: shoulders-at lunch-20 min stepper, 10 min EFX(went to my sisters after work)
Wednesday: 20min EMC;; gym-back; pm-46 min treadmill; 20 min bike
Thursday: today--20 min EMC; gym--biceps/triceps PM cardio: 20 stepper, 20 treadmill or bike (not sure yet)

i guess that is as interesting as it gets for me right now.....

Happy Thursday :)

metabolism

2010-09-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

I think that finally my metabolism is starting to catch fire....my body was just screaming for my 4:30 meal....of course i didn't have it with me...i had to, unfortunately, run down to the little store in my building and get a mini pro protein bar to hold me over till i get home :) I hope that doesn't mess with my weigh in tomorrow ;)

cupcakes

2010-09-10T10:15:00.000-04:00

I have been having this urge to bake recently...i dont want to eat it though??? I just feel a little creative and i have cupcakes on my brain....watching Cupcake Wars on Food Network has really made me think...i never have made a cake or cupcake from scratch....and icing from scratch.....i want to :)

I made chocolate chip banana bread the other day because i had 3 really ripe bananas that i hated to waste...so i made bread :) I brought half the loaf in work, and gave Adam the other half to take into work...

maybe this weekend....we shall see :)

finally...a little update ;)

2010-09-09T17:10:00.002-04:00

Wow....So many things...well I think I need to go back to the weekend again....Friday I got out of work early for the holiday so I decided to go over to a gym that is a block away from work and see if I could join for the next few months because it will just be easier to get to if I want to go after work, or at lunchtime...so I went there and joined..its only 50.00 a month with no contract so I just did it...they have a lot of classes that I want to look into taking too...they have kettlebells and urban rebounding and lots of spin classes....even at lunch time! (Which I did take the spin class at noon on tuesday..the teacher was a maniac and I was soaked!...not good if you have to run back to work a big sweaty mess..but I did it anyway ;)....LOL) They also have a 30 minute class that is equivillant to P90X....I know it has to be hard! I do want to try it out though :) So I joined and I worked out there on the elliptical/stepper for 30 min. Thank god I had a Quest bar in my bag because I went too long without eating and I was shaking...so that got gobbled up quickly!!

Publish Post

Friday night I actually went with my parents and my sister and hubby and baby to Bertucci’s pizza! I had told Adam that I was having no cravings whatsoever and that I would be fine with a salad and chicken....and I also knew that I had to weigh in on Saturday! I was so proud of myself...I didn’t even want anything...not a bite of one of the warm rolls they put out on the table...or when they decided to put the pizza next to me because I was on the end of the table....I didn’t even want it! Which is really odd for me because I love me some pizza :) So I ate my salad with grilled chicken, dressing on the side and an iced tea.

Saturday was great...me and adam got up early and we drove out to Wissahickon State Park where he mountain bikes...and I did my walk/runs on the fire trail. It was so nice out and so many people were out enjoying the break in the weather! So my thinking at the time was walk out about 30 min or so and then head back. Well at the half way mark I saw adam while I was stretching...he told me to follow him up on the trails...so I did! It was great! I was huffing and puffing and climbing and running and I enjoyed every second of it :) So total time was like an hour and a half but I burned like 800 calories!

Saturday night we had a 50th birthday party to go to. Again, my eating was great! There was food there but I didn’t eat or drink anything bad. I did have a diet coke and my dinner consisted of a piece of chicken and some string beans!

Sunday....I don’t think I did anything exciting except I did do about 45 min of cardio and I did a short shoulder workout then I cleaned and all that good stuff. We were going to take a ride down the shore just to do something but we just hung in.

Monday was the holiday....we went and picked up Angelica and we went to the park and hung out there and played a little bit then we went to the mall and then to Target and Staples to get her stuff for school. We went to Applebees for lunch....I just got salad again with grilled chicken and stuff on the side.

Tuesday was back to work! I got up...did 27 min of EMC then I hit the legs hard! At lunch time I went to spin class and let me just tell you that the teacher was a maniac! For a 45 min class, man she really kicked it! Tuesday night I went to my sisters for dinner. I brought my dinner...shrimp that I picked up after work at TJ’s :)

Wednesday I got up and I did another 27 min cardio...what is it with me and 27? LOL!!! Did shoulders at the gym and then after work I did 50 min on the treadmill.

Today–Thursday—25 min EMC–bike—and then hit the gym for back...I was so excited..I was doing the RG pulldowns and I saw my lats popping and my shoulders popping! I was so happy...its so funny how something that may gross some people out makes me smile from ear to ear :)

Lifting weights and working out is something that has now become a part of my life...even though I may bitch and complain sometimes, I absolutely love it! And when I start seeing things in the mirror...that just makes it sooo much better!

Diet overall is going great! I have no cravings whatsoever....I have to check in on Saturday with pics...I want to be 115...I was looking back over my blog from last year and I was 111 on September 22nd last year....that is, right now a 6 pound difference...which is a big deal! And that is only in 2 weeks! I need to just keep doing what im doing and see what happens...my body composition this time around I think is different too. I did take measurements on Saturday so I can track that at least!

So now im getting ready to go home from work...I will be cooking and then hitting the treadmill for my 2nd round tonight!

I still have tons of energy and I feel incredible...I just hope it lasts :)

quickie ;)

2010-09-08T14:36:00.000-04:00

I have been MIA for over a week! And with the holiday weekend that just passed, im really behind!

I would love to make this short and sweet but i want to try and document some stuff. Hubby is going out tonight so instead of trying to rush right now and post something, im going to get my thoughts together and write something more exciting later ;)

Just wanted to post something real quick to let those who read me know that im alive :)

I shall return......

Monday--75 days

2010-08-30T16:24:00.002-04:00

Wow..its over a week since I blogged.

Nothing really exciting going on except cooking, cleaning, cardio, gym, and visiting my nephew and family.

Friday I took off work and we took my nephew to the Camden Aquarium, then I ran to BJ’s and got some food in.   Saturday I took a ride to the mall with my sister and then Saturday night we went there for dinner. I took mine.

Yesterday I cleaned all day and my family came over my house for dinner. I didn’t really cook..my mom made gravy and I bought ravioli and everyone ate over our house for once. I never have anyone over..usually because im not the greatest cleaner. I have other things on my brain than cleaning my stupid house. I do the necessities....dust, vacuum, sweep, clean the bathroom, and wash clothes.. But doing that deep CLEANING....that hardly ever gets done....im such a mess. And as im cleaning I get grossed out....over strange things that you don’t even realize that they are gross until you go to clean them....for instance...the paper towel holder...gross...so I had to clean that...the spice rack on my counter....I guess that just cleaning the counters doesn’t cut it....LOL!

So on the fitness front.....

I was down on the scale a little bit on saturday...which I am now 11 weeks out.   Right now, I think its 75 days to go. And that isn’t a lot of time. I have to try and figure out how I can get this fat off my ass. Seriously. I think I may have to really consider doing lower body 2-3xs a week to see if it makes any difference?

Im going on week 2 on the new meal plan. So far so good...so by not this Saturday, but the following, which I will be 9 weeks out..pics are due and diet will change. I want to send him pics this time that show some sort of change...there better be!!!

I am feeling good still energy wise. I have been getting my cardio in everyday...even with my stupid foot that has been hurting me.

I really need to take measurements this weekend...just to see if im losing any inches!!

I was looking back at this time last year and I am about 4 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time. But im believing that hopefully I put on a little bit of muscle and once I start leaning out more, it will show.    I hate the scale. I hate that my mood depends on that number. Im only weighing myself once a week. When I get on that scale on Saturday, I better be minus 2 pounds...cause it needs to go!

So Friday, I got up, did 55 min of treadmill... it was mostly all incline walking.....again..because of the foot.....im trying not to run too much...the doctor told me to stop running all together but im still doing it a little bit when its not hurting me...finished up with some ab work.

Saturday-47 min of treadmill. Then did some lunges, squats, and abs.

Sunday-55 minutes of cardio...and some shoulders.

Today I got up at 5:00 and I got in 32 min of EMC before going to the gym for legs. Had a pretty good workout. Food has been perfect today so far. Its actually almost time for me to eat again :) Im eating every 2-2.5 hours, and my body is starting to know that...because once I hit that 2 hour mark, im hungry.

Question: I am really trying to tighten/lose lower body fat....I have read that some do lower body work 2-3 times a week. Right now im doing 1-2xs....do you think that adding more lower body work will help make a difference??

Im falling into the same problems that I had last year...because I ate like a water buffalo from November until January this year, all the work that I did is gone. So now im starting over from scratch again. And its not fun....at all....and I will NOT do that again.

I am starting to learn. It has taken me a long time, but could you imagine how much better I would be now if I didnt mess up so badly after the last show? I could have been ahead of the game...instead im starting over just to try and get to where I was before.

Im not going to dwell on it...its over and done...I will get back to where I was...and hopefully look better than before!

Thursday ---86 days to go

2010-08-19T15:08:00.001-04:00

Well first off i have to say that i have been getting up the past couple of days at 5:00 am to do cardio....i feel so much better when i get up! I feel so much happier, i get more accomplished, i have time to walk the dog, get my food together, get adam's food together, make him breakfast, etc. Its amazing!

This morning i slept in the other bedroom....i hate waking up hubby with the alarm...especially since he is a light sleeper but he has trouble sleeping period. So i went in Angelica's room....i set my phone alarm....i never used it before....1) when it went off it was loud and it scared the shit out of me and 2) I couldn't focus my eyes fast enough to find how to shut or snooze the stupid thing! So that woke me up too! LOL!

I got up and did 27 minutes on the treadmill...i was hoping for longer but by the time i got dressed, took my supps, and got down there...the time went by quick.....but i got up :)

Today was biceps/triceps.....and i think i worked them pretty good...but who knows???

I cant believe this week is almost over already! Time is just going by so quickly!!!

I asked April if we should book our room in KY yet??? I think we should! EEEEP!!!!

I am feeling good today...i actually have been feeling great all week.....which is wonderful!!!

Last night we had tickets to the Phillies game.....sitting next to us was a guy with his son...they come in and they both have pizza....it smelled so good....then a couple of innings later they go and they come back with fries with cheese! Again!!! The smells!!!!! Soooo good....i was thirsty....i wasn't really hungry but smelling all the food and seeing people with ice cream and pizza and funnel cake and hot dogs...it was rough! So i was going to get something to drink....$4.00 for a small bottle of Dasani water....i refused.....that is just absolutely ridiculous!! So i chewed gum....and when i got home...i chugged a big bottle of water :) LOL!

Lets see....what else??? Saturday i have to get up early...i have to do my morning cardio, then take 12 week out pics for Mike....then i have a haircut appointment at 10:00...me and my mom are both getting our hair done :) A friend of my sister's is in hairdressing school so i have been busting them for her asking her when she was going to cut my hair (im glad i waited since she graduates in 3 months) So she has saturday morning open...i took it....i think its only like $20.00 (compared to where i get my hair cut which is $60) and im not doing anything crazy....i want bangs :) I have been thinking about it for a while....after seeing Kelly O's

hair...i have been wanting to do it too....so how badly can you mess up a trim and bangs??? (Fingers crosssed...LOL)

I guess that is all the news i got..... :)

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes : ) "To be a champ, you have to believe in yourself when no one else will"

Last to first :)

2010-08-17T16:20:00.000-04:00

Wow...its been a week already!

Things are going ok. Im having trouble with getting my ass out of bed in the morning for cardio before the gym....

I will be 12 weeks out on saturday....I have a lot to lose in that time...Im trying to focus on the positive and have that goal in my head of how I want to look.

Eating has been pretty good. I have substituted a bar or a shake here or there instead of tuna...because honestly, if I eat any more tuna im going to gag!

I emailed Mike and he wants pics and I have to put in for a new diet then also. He said pics every 3 weeks from here on out. Which is scary. Because my weight is still so high and I have a lot of fat that needs to go.

Yesterday was legs...today was shoulders.

Im hungry all the time...even though im eating every 2.5 hours or so...which I guess is good because that means my metabolism is working ok.

I can do this...I know I can....I have a new motto for myself (in my head only) Last place to first place!!!! Repeating it over and over in my head....not that I am gunning and thinking I can get first but just to keep me going....Last to First :)

the only one stopping me is me!

2010-08-10T16:01:00.001-04:00

Happy Tuesday! Another weekend has gone by.....i took a day off yesterday from work and working out....so now my schedule is a little altered...so today was legs. And let me just tell you...i had to do a giant set of 4 different exercises for the first half of my workout and damn, if my heart rate wasn't up there! WOW! I loved it!!! Tonight i have 40 min of bike :)

Im going to my sister's tonight after work but i want to try and get out of there early so i can hit the cardio and get my stuff ready for tomorrow.

All you coffee drinkers out there...do you still use creamer if you are prepping for a show? I have tried time and time again to drink it black...i just cant do it! Im using fat free creamer...and just about a teaspoon but is it going to hurt me?

Cant wait to work my shoulders tomorrow!!!! I have been really trying to work my shoulders hard and im trying to do them 2xs a week....usually tuesdays and saturday. Saturday's workout isn't that heavy but i want to try and do more :)

I have come to the conclusion that i am my own worst enemy....i have so many doubts and questions in my head all the time. I need to clear my head and just focus on what i want to accomplish and that is it...no clouds...no doubts.....just focus on what needs to be done, and stop doubting myself...i have been doing it for so long...the only one stopping me is me!

I have to be confident in myself and my abilities....what am i so afraid of??? I know i can do this! I need to believe in me!

It is only as hard as i make it out to be.

things can be looked at in two ways....negatively or positively, or as the saying goes, is the cup half full or half empty. I have always looked at things as negative. I think that with a happy, positive outlook, nothing can stop me! I need to realize that getting my ass out of bed at 5:00 to hop on the treadmill is only going to help me...not hurt me...yes it may suck, but there are plenty of girls getting up right along with me..doing the same thing....with November 13th circled on their calendars too!

I will do this....and i will be better than i have been....i love this sport...and i know that in time, i will find my groove and feel confident and secure and happy with how i look. Yes, i may be old (LOL) and crazy...but, as my husband says....fuck everyone else's opinion and do what makes you happy! And you know what? He is right! He supports me 100% and pushes me to do better! And that is what matters....doing what makes you happy, right?

Friday --99 days to go

2010-08-06T12:25:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!!

I didn't get up for cardio this morning but i had a pretty decent chest/leg workout at the gym :)

I was on Gina Aliotti's website this morning and i just got really inspired by Gina of course, but also from 2 of the girls who gina trains...Nikki and Jessica. Both girls are competing but they just have this tremendous outlook and they are so happy and focused and excited...and it is totally contageous! Just reading it, I feel really good today...happy and ready to tackle the weekend :)

Her post today was about discipline....i copied a part of it.....

"Discipline is a matter of controlling the mind and choosing the action that is going to benefit you in the long run. By choosing your actions you can choose your results. By choosing your actions you can choose the life you create for yourself. Remember, we all are in control and have the power. Discipline is something that should not be looked at as a burden but as an opportunity to test yourself, grow and experience the power you have of self control and personal self awareness."

How perfect is that????

14 weeks out tomorrow!!!! So excited to do this....and do it right.....no going backwards! Full steam ahead!

Wednesday 101

2010-08-04T16:03:00.000-04:00

They say things happen for a reason. I think i just got handed a gift in disguise. It was something that i was sad over for a bit...but then i decided to look at it as a positive thing, instead of a negative thing...and you know what? I feel a lot better about it now. Your mind is a very powerful tool...and it can be used to make you feel like shit and feel sorry for yourself....or you can say "suck it up" and just do what you have to do to get it done...

And that is what im going to do....yes, it may be a harder and longer road...but the end result i think, will make me happier :)

And that is my lesson for today! LOL!

The end :)

*****

Well today was back day....i actually did some posing too....there was no one down there at the gym this morning..

I have to get rid of this ass.....i think me and the treadmill are going to be very close these next 14.5 weeks ;)

Monday-103 days

2010-08-02T10:17:00.000-04:00

Morning!

Well weekend was pretty much a blur. Didn't do much either. Friday, stayed in, Adam went out for a little to help his friend, i watched Zombieland...which actually was pretty good...

Saturday, got up, did cardio, went to target, came home, made brownies for adam to take to the Jersey Shore party that i didn't go to, and then went to my sisters with angelica.

Sunday, cooked, cleaned, did cardio, watched True Blood, went to bed.

I lead such an exciting life don't i?

This morning i got up for cardio...i got in 25 min....then went to the gym for legs! Now im at work....and its dead here...i think there are 5 of us in today??? this day is going to drag!!!!

Great Quote

2010-07-29T15:20:00.000-04:00

If you want it - work for it. Go the extra mile, make the effort, make it count. Work...because wishing will not bring winning!

Wednesday-108 days left

2010-07-28T16:52:00.000-04:00

See? Soon the days will be in the single digits! So far to go body wise...

Anyway....tuesday and this morning i got up for EMC....still not early enough...yesterday i only got in about 20 min and this morning i only got 17...im trying....i did 40 when i got home too last night...cant forget that :)

Yesterday was shoulders, today was back.

I dont think im going to go to that party on saturday. Honestly, its too much work...LOL! And then to have to worry about food, etc....im better off not going...so adam said he is going to just stop there and then i will be with angelica until he gets home.

So what i have been thinking about is this....that fire...desire, whatever it is that drives you to do something. Where does it come from? What happens inside you that makes you want something so badly? That nothing can stop you, that no one can get in your way? That winning attitude, that focus, the strength?

Athletes have it....maybe it has something to do with sports....if you played sports in high school or college.. you have teammates and coaches, pushing you, people in the stands rooting for you. But what if you are like me? Someone who never played sports, never really competed in anything. You were just a normal person trying to do something so out of the ordinary..something that not many people want to do, or can do??? Something that some people think that you are crazy to do. So do you just have to continually repeat it to yourself that you can do this? That you are special? That you can do anything! That you are a winner!!!

I find it facinating...and i want the secret :) I have watched "the sport of figure" over and over. Ava had said in one part (and im paraphrasing) that people would tell her that she couldn't do it and she wanted to prove them wrong! Yeah, for the most part, i want to do that too...but to have that FORCE and FIRE to back it up...that is what is important and what is needed.

Some days i have it....some days i dont. I guess that happens with a lot of people but how do you say "this is it" this is what i want more than anything in the whole wide world!!!

Just a thought ;)

Monday-110 days to go

2010-07-26T15:23:00.000-04:00

Well its monday already!

Saturday was 16 weeks out and i had to send pics my trainer...they were bad...i knew they were going to be and its funny because usually i take 1000 pics trying to get the right lighting, making sure my hair looks ok, the suit is ok, etc....i took 4 pics...front, side, side, back...didn't care what they looked like and sent them off. He must be like "what the hell has she been doing? but hey, its easy money right?" Im sure a lot of these trainers love the fact that you aren't following what they say and just continue to pay them.

Anyway...so i decided to stop wasting my money and to do it right.

I got my new meal plan last night so i have to prep tonight and start tomorrow. I hate starting on a tuesday, but i didn't have enough time to have everything ready for today...especially with True Blood on from 9-10 last night...and on that side note....the show is so freaking good this season!!! I love it!!!!!

But i did the timeline for my meals and workouts....its very, very, planned out and specific....and i really need to plan to do this right.

Yes its going to be a pain in the butt, but im sure that if its done the way it should be, then it will work out great! I just have to stick with it.

Im not a great organized person. And i have all the time in the world really. I have no kids, and no other outside responsibilities except to visit my family and to keep the house straightened up. I should be the perfect candidate to be able to get it all done. I really need to plan and focus on what needs to be done and stop laying around expecting everything to be all done and ready. I have to grab the bull by the horns as the saying goes ;)

The weekend was good. Nothing exciting really. We went to my sister's on friday night. they ordered pizza which looked and smelled so good and i had a salad with avocado and chicken :) I did have a bite of crust!

Saturday went food shopping and then went to my mom's later for a bit.

Sunday we went to our friend's pool and hung out there and then the sky darkened and it started pouring rain with thunder and lightening and all! So our day ended kinda early.

Next Saturday we have a party to go to...its "Jersey Shore" themed...and we have to get dressed...im trying to figure out what to wear but i want to get one of those bumpits for my hair and puff it all up and wear a lot of bronzer...and i have jan tana too ;) LOL!
so that will be fun!

Today was leg day....no emc for me....i will do some cardio later. I do plan on trying to get up to do cardio every morning this week....there is no reason why i can't right?

Thursday-115 days

2010-07-22T14:45:00.001-04:00

Well its thursday already! I missed posting yesterday...things got busy i guess ;) Yesterday was back day. I didn't do cardio when i got up or when i got home either..yes i know, slacker already! Im not going to complain about it, just going to chalk it up to what to do better tomorrow :)

Tonight i have a consult for a cosmetic procedure that i have been contemplating for a while now. I want to find out how much it is because im sure that its going to be way to much money to even consider...but i want to find out. (and no, its not boobs...;i have enough boobs to share) So we shall see what happens tonight :) My appt is at 5:00 so im leaving work at 4:30 today :)

I am so pissed at myself...i was eating a salad with balsalmic on it and i dropped a piece of cucumber and i thought that it only fell on my pants....nope...drizzled all the way down my cute new express shirt :( I hope it doesn't stain...i wet it with soap and water...and now my shirt is all wet but it will dry quickly, i hope (anyway, fingers crossed it doesn't stain)

ooh and i made my own iced coffee today at work :) I took the old morning coffee filled a big cup with ice and ff creamer and splenda and it was yummy :) YAY!!

Today was arms at the gym....oh and i didn't get my ass up this morning either by the way :)

d-bell skull krushers
overhead cable ext
NG pushdowns
weighted bench dips
21's sissy bar
sissy bar curls
suipinated dbell curls
machine preachers

hmmm...what else??? nothing else exciting in my world....i will let you know how the consult goes tomorrow :) And maybe what its for?????

Tuesday--116 days to go

2010-07-20T16:31:00.000-04:00

I was able to get my ass out of bed this morning to do some cardio...only got in 26 min, but its a start. Then went to the gym and did shoulders.

Front presses
inverted laterals
walkout pop push ups
rear delt rope pulls
behind neck press
rear delt peck deck
heavy 1/4 laterals

Tonight another 40 min treadmill.

Oh last night i went to my mom's for dinner...so i didn't feel like getting on the treadmill so i just hopped on the stepper for 15 min....

feeling pretty good...i had a little bit of popcorn this afternoon.

I put in for a new diet i hope i get my oats back...i dont mind the cream of rice that much though. Its something different.

Tonight im making shrimp....yum!!!

Happy Tuesday!!

Monday-Back to it (117 days to go)

2010-07-19T12:59:00.001-04:00

Well today im back...back to work, back from vacation...back to reality.

I am starting over of sorts....

I want to stop looking back at my past mess ups and focus totally on what is ahead. no more negativity.

Today was legs at the gym.

5 min warm up-elliptical
standing leg curls
lying leg curls
ws dumbell squats
leg extensions
one leg deadlifts
walking lunges
calves

tonight i have cardio and i have to cook. I was lazy yesterday and i didn't cook for the week yet. So tonight i have to cook up my chicken and string beans and rice and broccoli and all that other good stuff to get me through the week!

I did a lot of bad eating last week while on vacation...i know i wasn't going to be good. Especially being around my family....but its all fine and good...its a new beginning (yes i have had many new beginnings but...)

So here we are...day 1 (well its day 117....117 days till KY Muscle)....it will go by quick...i want to make everyday count.

I may take pics (not posting anything yet) but hopefully by the time i get to about 12 weeks out i will have enough balls to post something :)

This is going to be fun....im going to do this, and do it right....i want to be proud of myself again...i want my clothes to fall off me again.....i want to change for the better....

I chose this goal.....i will fight for this.....i know this takes work....and i will work for it....i am not going to just "show up" this time.....i will train, i will focus, i will change for the better....i will fight :)

Lets do this....

Happy Friday :)

2010-07-09T16:15:00.001-04:00

Hi :)

Well this week has been crazy! For it being a 4 day work week..the work day has been dragging...especially because im on vacation all next week!!! Im so excited to be doing something! We are going to the Jersey Shore (no, not where all the fist pumpers are ;)...LOL) But Margate, NJ....with my sis and her hubby and the baby...and of course me adam and angelica...my parents are watching the doggie :) And then they are coming down the second half of the week...we are sund-wed, and then my parents are wed-sat. I hope the weather is nice...right now its raining here. But its so humid, i guess its expected.

I know eating is going to suck this week....im going to try and get some sort of physical activity in and im bringing my protein powder with me.

I dont think i will be able to do September show either now...cause im a moose....and then not eating on schedule for another week will really hurt me...so im making a vow to me and to all of my blog buds....150% effort will be taken from when i get home until November....which is KY Muscle....with April...again! And i will be stage ready....i can promise you that! No last place for me ;)

And that is all i have to say about that :)

************

I wanted to also say good luck to Genie and Becca at Team U this weekend!!! I wish i could have been there to cheer you on in person!!!! ((((HUGS)))) Have fun!!!!

2010-06-30T15:19:00.000-04:00

Im here...im alive....just busy

I suck at this blog stuff ;)

Im going overnight tomorrow-friday to Atlantic City..and then the 11th-14th i am going to Margate with Adam, Angelica and my sister and her hubs and my nephew! I cant wait to play with him on the beach!!!

Eating hasn't been great but im still working out like a crazy person...which kind of pisses me off cause i probably have a little bit of shape underneath the fluff...im not going to go diet crazy while on vacation but i will be super clean after i get home!

Im going to bring my bands with me and hopefully be able to get some walks in too...adam said he wants to bring his bike down to ride early..i wish i had a bike :(

I ordered 3 bathing suits from VS....2 look like bras, so hopefully they fit...the other is a halter...with no underwire...not sure on that one....i hope i can keep one at least :)

So..what else?

Oh, this past saturday i went to prejudging for the Tracey Greenwood show( yeah, the one i was supposed to do)...the A class was HUGE! At least 12-14 girls, just in A...bikini wasn't good..they had about 8 total...caliber wasnt great....but the figure was...i would have been crushed...there were some, of course, that weren't good..but the majority was...

And i was sitting there by myself like a big oaf....and then I saw Shelly Albetta and her bf Nick..she asked if anyone was sitting next to me, and i was like, Shelly??? She said OMG! So crazy! i had emailed her earlier in the week and she was telling me that she was going and she told me to come find her and say hi! Well i didn't have to...she came to me :) She is cute...tiny...i think both of her thighs were the size of my one thigh!

But that was cool that i got to meet her...I talk to her on FB once in a while...I had started talking to her when I started training with Mike...so i had some questions, etc....she was really nice....

anyway...what else???

oh...i have to congratulate Becca and Genie on JR Nats....both looked incredible....I wanted to go to hang out with Becca in Hackensack next week, but now, since im going to the shore that weekend i wont be able to go :( Sorry Becca!!! We will meet one day!!! Promise!!!!...Oh and your shoot pics look amazing!!!

That is all i guess??

Happy wednesday!!!

ok...last one ;)

2010-06-17T15:19:00.009-04:00

Well it seems that all i seem to do is bitch and complain..so i may as well continue :)

Why does the whole prep thing seem to come so easy for some people?

I think I must just come to the realization that I am just destined to be fat….seriously…...i have been working out with weights every day….cardio, sometimes 1x a day…sometimes 2…my diet is around 90% good….yes I have slip ups and eat crap I shouldn’t but mostly i eat good….i pack my food, I get made fun of, I don’t get asked to go places because they know I cant eat, and yet I look like I haven’t worked out a day in my life! WTF???? My ass looks huge, I can grab fat on my back….im disgusting.

I see some girls who are weeks and weeks away from a show and they already look wonderful...i look like i haven't worked out a day in my life....my ass is big, my arms are skinny fat and i have a pooch that if my pants were tight, i would have a muffin top.

Now dont get me wrong..im not saying that im huge...i am still fitting in my 4's but i dont look like i step foot in a gym! Its really starting to get to me. My weight was down a pound this week which was nice to see...but i cant really go by that because my weight fluctuates so much its ridiculous!!

Does it really take somebody to be 110% perfect every day in order to see any results?

I have so many goals in my head...but to accomplish them is something different. I want to, but i think i would be more gung ho if i saw some changes.

Yes, i have done it before, but i guess me thinking that it was going to be easier this time i am learning is sooo wrong....

I promise this time though that once i get to where i need to be i WILL NOT gain back all the weight again....this back and forth bull crap is for the birds and is not worth it at all....because i think it gets harder each time....

Please help me stay strong and not give up....i dont want to fail myself and anyone else who has faith in me.

In keeping with my last post ;)

2010-06-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

Well i figured that since i have been inspired by her...lets do another :) I may keep up this trend ;)

Well I think that finally my mind is getting back to where it should be! I have been feeling really good recently and i hope to keep it up! I have no cravings and im starting to get that tunnel vision which is so needed while trying to do this.

Lets see....monday was legs...and then after work i went and did spin class....came home, made dinner and then later did some abs :)

Yesterday I was off work. Me and Adam both took off...we made dentist appointments and dermatology appointments...so this was how my day went yesterday:

7:40-woke up

8:15 gym-worked shoulders

9:40-came home made breakfast

11:00-12:30-dermatology appointments***

***Im going off for a second....my dermatology appointment was a little troubling....i apparently have a mole on my back that is "iffy" meaning that its a sun damage mole but she told me not to get too worried about it yet. I has the "possibility" of it becoming something but to just keep an eye on it like once a month to see if there are any changes, etc....if there are, then i have to see her sooner, if not, then in 1 year. It freaked me out a little bit....she asked if i tanned...i responded yes....1-2 times a week....she told me to stop....immediately and to not go back...and use sunscreen....which is what you are supposed to do...but me, i think im invincible all the time....and now look? So im done....i will use self tan creams just if i feel i need color. I dont know if a lot of you tan but this has freaked me out enough to not do it ever again....

ok....

12:30-came home ate again....

1:30-went to bank

2:00 dentist--found a cavity....blech....i have to go back at the end of june....

3:30-ate again

4:30-hour of cardio

6:00ish--made dinner, ate and then took a walk to my sisters to see my nephew.

9:00-came home from sisters

10:00 bed

so that was yesterday....but my eating was good and i had no cravings..which is a plus!

Today i actually got my ass out of bed and did some early morning cardio...which by the way, i must add, that TV sucks in the morning...its all infomercials! LOL! So i had to put my Gina Aliotti video on and watched her train legs :)

Then I hit the gym for my back workout....i also did another 10 min on the stepper...our gym has 3 steppers...i think 2 of them are broke...i keep forgetting which one is really broke and i keep getting on it...jackass!

So im pretty caught up now...oh yeah, and then monday night when i was doing some abs....i was doing side crunches....and i just glanced at my side and my hip/side is so little! I was like Damn! i could be seriously tiny...which is what i should be...minus all the flub....you have to remember the fact that im only 5" tall! I should be that small....and my hips prove it :) LOL! I showed adam...i said...see! this is how thin i should be! He agreed :)

And i have put in my head that i will not stray off my diet until my birthday...June 21st....which is only 12 days away, by the way....but i will have a little treat on that day...i will be good all day...maybe even have a decent dinner..but then have a piece of birthday cake :) You dont think my trainer will mind do you??? LOL!!!

****now onto something that is only partly fitness related*****

My friends....we made "plans" a few weeks before Sex & the city 2 came out that we were all going to see it together....fine....well then sunday morning i get an email from my one friend and says "i know its last minute but a few of us are going to go to the movies to see SITC2 at 4:00 today..can you go?" I was pissed...1) because not everyone was involved and 2) i had a graduation party at 2:00! So i had to respond no...and then it was "well i can go see it with you again if you want"...but at that point i was like "no way" that wasn't the way it was supposed to be...so basically FU* Im not going at all with any of them....

I was telling Adam and he was like i could have told you that you wouldn't be going with them as soon as you told me.....i knew they would diss you and go without you....

It is so hard..because we have been friends for so long but to be honest with you, we really have nothing in common anymore....the group i stayed with are all still single, except 1, who just had a baby but really acts as though she isn't married or has a baby....but for the most part, their lives consist of going out to bars or restaurants or just drink and do whatever....i am not into all that anymore.....

Being in this "fitness world" so to speak, i am closer with girls that live miles from me and i talk to them more than my friends here....April is a prime example....i talk to her more than ANYONE...yes it may be through emails and whatever, but she knows more about my life day in and day out than anyone...probably more than my husband and my family! But i consider her a very good friend :) And a lot of the girls on here that i have come to know so well and we all have the same goals and we understand when we dont want to get on the treadmill...or if something goes wrong at work and we want to eat something we shouldn't....we get that....others who aren't in this bubble dont get it...and they think we are crazy...which is fine..but its still a little sad that i still get made fun of for wanting to do this...i actually got this today in an email "your actually still doing that crap?" But then i got an LOL and good for you..but i know deep down they dont understand and they think im crazy....

sorry...im rambling....but Becca's post made me realize that im so glad that i have you all and that you understand my craziness and accept my craziness :) It feels good just knowing that im not alone and i have support out there..no matter where you may live :) Thanks :)

if im not doing it...someone else is

2010-06-03T14:56:00.000-04:00

I think i want to buy a spin bike...i have a regular seat bike but it sucks ass....i was looking at amazon today...i could get a "decent" one for about 250...they are a lot more fun than a regular bike..i think anyway ;) I have been doing my morning warmup at the gym on the spin bike...and classes too. I haven't gone to spin class this week..i was actually going to go today but then adam told me that his friend John and John's brother in law are coming over to give us an estimate tonight for our bathroom and kitchen :) So that went out the window...the treadmill it is!

i was watching Losing it with Jillian last night....i cried at so many points during the damn show...one thing that stood out was the one young girl was really big and had got gastric bypass a while ago...she was thin now but she still saw herself as being fat...and anytime anyone gave her a compliment she followed it up with herself making a negative comment...which i can sooo relate to! No matter what...i always find the negative. Jillian was trying to tell her to let go of the fat girl...and then Jillian said something along the lines of you have seen yourself as a failure for so long...how about you try and aim high for once? The most that can happen is you fall...but give yourself the chance to succeed!!!! And that struck a cord with me....i always tell myself i cant...which in other words means you wont.....and its getting old....so im going to aim high...and dig deep and see what i am capable of...who knows how good it can be if i dont try, right? I could be amazing...but i will never know if i dont try....lets see what happens if i eliminate "CANT" from my vocabulary.

Someone is preparing to get on stage on the same date as me.....they have their calendar marked with the same date as me.....and they are doing what they have to do to win...they are getting up in the morning and doing their cardio.....and im still sleeping.....i need to wake the hell up!

2010-06-02T14:54:00.000-04:00

Well its Wednesday already! The weekend was way too fast...i didn't even really do anything! My sister had a bbq on Sunday. I brought my chicken and string beans :) And i had some baked beans too....Monday was a total wash of a day....i actually did nothing! Seriously...the extent of my day was cooking and dishes...other than that i sat and watched tv most of the day...i didn't even work out....i just didn't have it in me...i just wanted a day to do nothing...and that is what i did :)

I am back on track this week. I still haven't got up for cardio before the gym yet. I really have such a hard time with getting up! Its horrible! I had all intentions of getting up this morning....but i didn't go to bed until after midnight so there was no way i was going to be able to function on 5 hours of sleep...so that went bye bye!

Does anyone take Size On-Pre-Contest? Does it help? I had a few samples of it...and i liked it...but i dont want to get all bloated from it. I am fat enough...i dont need extra water weight. It only has i think 2 carbs so that is good....but it still has the creatine in it. They said the pre-contest one is good for women because of the low carb thing. I have no idea.

I just feel so fat instead of feeling thinner...and its so hard to stay positive and happy and focused when all you see is the negative stuff. Yes i know, consistency is key...and i am trying..i am....

Today was shoulders....im off a day because of monday..so i did legs yesterday and then last night i did 45 min on the treadmill.

I guess that is all that is going on in my world...Flyers tonight!!! They better win :)

Happy Wednesday :)

Strength

2010-05-28T11:51:00.000-04:00

Well its friday! YAY!!!

at the gym i had chest....i really dont like doing chest because i have enough of it...but i did it...and its done.

Do you ever wonder what other people are thinking about you? I constantly think that others are talking about me....saying things about the way i eat and yet i still look the same. That they say, she eats so well and works out constantly but she still has no muscle...i think that they think that way about me because that is the way i think about myself. I am constantly looking at myself. Usually in a negative way.

Becca said something to me in my last post about me dieting for so long. I have thought about that...and yes, while i have been "dieting" for a while now....i am constantly cheating and not eating what im supposed to..so therefore my diet has not really been a diet....because of all of the "extras" constantly...I have made no progress...which makes me sad....because i feel like i want this so bad, and yet i do not want to work to get it. I know what has to be done...and you would think that i would be good because i know how much happier i am when changes start happening. When my pants are falling off, when i see little peeks of muscle definition...and i know what has to be done to get there. Which is why i need to relax, do the work and stay consistent. Im not consistent and i know this....which is why i look like i do.

Im not going to lie...there is no reason to..the last time i weighed...which was last saturday was 117.2. That is not good. I have been going up and down losing one pound, gaining it back...etc. Its crazy. So i just need to realize that im not going to make any accomplishments if i continue down this path.

26 weeks is a half a year...and the way im looking at it is different....if i get down to where i need to be in the 14 weeks and then the 16 weeks...i can just maintain for a few weeks until close to November...so i wont be killing myself worried again if i can get there. I want to be ready ahead of time. That is fine and good in my head....i just have to do it in real life...i can type whatever i want...its the action that needs to be done.

I feel like im the worst blog writer sometimes... its hard for me to get the words across of what is going on in my head. I have always been bad at writing. I have such jumbled up thoughts i feel like im ADHD. Which i probably am...LOL!

Anyway....off the subject.....this weekend is memorial weekend already! I cant believe May is over! We really dont have any plans....my sister is BBQing on sunday....i will take my food to grill...that isn't an issue. Its the stuff afterwards....the desserts that come out. This is partly why i hate going out....i hate being put in those situations. Cause i always want to break off a piece of something...or eat some fruit or stick my finger in icing. You all know how it is....

I was reading Kari's blog earlier...how she wanted something she shouldn't and had to call her BF....i dont do that....i usually give into the temptation....i think i need to start thinking about my actions more before i act...cause the mind is very powerful....and it will make you rationalize and do things that you think is ok...when really they are not...i need to make that call when i feel that way.....or just stop listening to the evil inside my head that always seems to win.....i need to lock that little person up somewhere and throw away the key :)

little update ;)

2010-05-27T16:47:00.000-04:00

Man i really need to just sit and write here for a minute :) Things are going ok.

The other day i had sent an email to my trainer....basically telling him that i wont be doing the show at the end of june and now i have to work my ass off all summer to get ready for the end of august....i made sure he knew i wasn't complaining about him at all....and i dont want to give him excuses...basically telling him that it was all my fault..i cant control my eating...and because of my mess ups, i have to start over.

His response:

Angela

Do you feel better? Good, now do what you say you are going to do. I am here for you . I am going to do my job for you now you do yours.

This is why i love him.....cause he reminds me of my husband....straight and to the point....shit or get off the pot!

So now i have to really figure out and redo my schedule....there is a show august 28th and september 18th...and then i want to do KY muscle again....and not come in last ;)

So in doing the math....

14 weeks for Delaware Show

17 weeks till West Chester

26 weeks till KY Muscle

sounds a little ridiculous.. on the 26 week thing...but i know how i am....and i know that i will need every single week....Then i start thinking....The delaware show is at the end of august...which means that pretty much vacationing this summer is out.....the West Chester show is the day after my mom's birthday....so i will be a crazy mess....and the KY Muscle is two weeks before my husband's 40th birthday....but my thing is...there is always going to be something, right? somebody's birthday, some occasion to go to...so do i want to get on stage or do i want to continue to be unhappy with myself by not doing what i say im going to do and then not do it?

I have a rough road ahead of me...and i need a lot of work...im hoping that i can do this...especially because i really want to do the other shows to prepare for november....so i can hang out with someone ;)

:)

2010-05-24T16:48:00.002-04:00

Im here...im alive...im still fat....

i will post more later....

tuesday :)

2010-05-11T22:41:00.000-04:00

getting to the gym has never been an issue for me. It is my schedule..it is my routine...every day, no matter what...its what i do before i go to work. Also packing my food for the work day and getting all my water in during the work day. Now, being home at night and on the weekends..that seems to be where i have my problems. No matter how hard i try to keep a schedule on the weekend....it always gets screwed up and i wind up not doing what im supposed to do. So what seems to happen is when i get screwed up on the weekends..it messes with me mentally.

So getting back on to this week. Yesterday i got up and did 30 min of emc and then hit the gym for legs...ripped them up! And then afterwork i decided...hey..i didn't do enough damage to them...lets do spin class!! So by the time i got home i was aching! And starving...and i had to still go to BJs to get my food in for the week...so i ran there...and to the supermarket for my flank steak and by the time i got home it was almost 8:00 and i had to cook and eat then i got a bath to soak my legs and i hit the bed...

today was shoulders...and i have been trying to really hit them hard...i want that shoulder definition so bad!! almost as much as i want that arm vein ;) And i love doing certain movements and seeing the shoulder muscle pop! God that makes me so happy :)

So really the only issue that i have...and that i think a lot of us have...is food. I just have these times where i just want something...and it takes over all my thoughts! like today..i wanted something...i wanted popcorn...and i was analyzing it over in my head....should i have it or shouldn't i? Will it really hurt me? Im already a big fat mess...what is popcorn really going to do? So the devil on my shoulder won....it shouldn't have..but i had some popcorn...it could have been worse...it could have been raisinetts :)

I am not going to make myself crazy because seriously...the popcorn was the least of my problems...

I honestly dont think that i am going to do philly in june...its too close and i still have a lot of work to do. There are plenty of shows in the next few months....im going to gear brain towards them instead.

I have work to do...and i need to stay on the right track. I want to do this....i just have to teach my brain that food is the only thing that is stopping me from getting where i want to be...and i dont want to let food stop me from my dream of getting back on that stage :)

----

On another note....Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNero are filming a movie in philly and today they were filming across the street from me :) And i got to see Bradley Cooper leaving the set in his car! o cool!!! It is supposed to be NY and they changed all the street signs in Center City to have NY street names...it is apparently much cheaper to film in philly than in NY

www.onlocationvacations.com/2010/05/10/robert-de-niro-bradley-cooper-filming-dark-fields-in-philadelphia

alright...time for bed!

Q&A

2010-05-07T14:41:00.000-04:00

April posted some Q&A on her blog...seemed like fun....join in :)

Open...only because i have so much crap in front of it, it wont close ;)

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Once in a while...usually i will take a hand towel...because i will wrap my shower scrunchy in it ;)

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
they start out tucked in...but i kick out the bottoms cause my feet cant be under the covers

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
um....neither

5. Do you have freckles?
Nope

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
people who drag their feet when they walk...drives me insaine!!!

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?
I have peed in a pop up camper in a bucket...does that count?

8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?

Yes food makes me happy and makes me dance :)

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?

No
10. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
it doesn't bother me either way
11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I used to dip them in honey…YUM! (i just kept the same answer as april on this one...my long lost ginger twin ;)..LOL)
12. What is your favorite food?
sushi
13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
overboard, big daddy, devil wears prada, the notebook
14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
no...didn't have them near me i dont think??? Im a city gal ;)
15. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
No...too self conscious
16. Can you change the oil on a car?
probably...never did it...took a class on it a long time ago...change tire, oil, etc.
17. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
nope
18. Ever ran out of gas?
No.
19. Are you lazy?
extremely
20. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
yes...wonderwoman, a cat, a devil, baseball player
21. How many languages can you speak?
one

22. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Letterman makes me laugh more because his humor is more dry....but leno does make me LOL too!
23. Do you sing in the car?
when im alone or with my sister ;)
24. Ever eat a pierogi?
never had one
25. First concert?
bon jovi/cinderella--1985 or 86....it was love at first sight ;)

Wednesday

2010-05-05T16:24:00.001-04:00

Wow im starving today!!! I cant believe its already a week since I posted last!!! I am supposed to be like less than 8 weeks out now....7.5 to be exact...not sure what im going to do about the show at the end of june...I sent pics to mike and we went back and forth with what I should do. He wants me to do well. He thinks I can do well....he told me that my shape was there...just need to lean out more....and if I think I need more time to lean out then I should but he thinks I still have plenty of time. But I don’t want to just “show up” again...I want to belong up there. So we will see what the next few weeks bring....if I continue to lean out and look like I should then so be it. I have to realize that this show isn’t the end and the only show that I can do.....its may.....there are shows throughout the summer and fall....so we shall see :) I feel better about it now :) Got a new diet too :)

I want to do his boot camp at the end of may.....the deposit is due by the end of the week so im not sure I can commit...I would love to do it though...there are girls from SiouxCountry doing it and it would be cool to meet them and Mike....and Julie....im just not sure I have the money for it....

Hmmm...what else???

Mother’s day is sunday...we are going to dinner for my mom.....we are going to a place that their menu is pretty good....there is a big salad bar that I can fill up on and they grill most of their food...so I should be ok. Right now my cravings aren’t so bad (thank god)..im sure the longer I continue to diet, the worse it will get but right now im ok.

Adam bought a medicine ball to do abs at home....so that is fun :)

Im still not getting enough cardio in...I keep trying to get up in the morning but I cant get to bed early enough to get up! I really need to do that though!!! Its hard!!!

We are trying to also plan some sort of vacation...but that is also on my brain of competing....if I don’t do this show at the end of June then that means I will be dieting all through the summer again....and going on vacation will be difficult...so im not sure what to do with that either!

April posted these cute straws on her blog....I must have one :) So if I don’t win, I will definitely order one....go check them out :)

one day at a time

2010-04-28T16:52:00.000-04:00

It just amazes me that how just a few days makes such a difference in your outlook. The other day when I felt like crap from having sinus issues and my period...I wanted to quit and give up and it was all over. Then now, just two days later, I feel like I can accomplish anything! The past three days my eating has been 100% and it makes such a difference. I feel leaner, I feel more alert, happy, and strong. Such a difference. I need to keep up the pace and stay focused and confident.

I really don’t know what is going to happen with regard to the show at the end of June. This Saturday will be 8 weeks out. Im not sure that I will be able to get lean enough in 8 weeks. Im going to play it by ear right now. I have to do pics in two more weeks. If I can stay consistent for the next two weeks and hopefully make some gains and if pics look ok and he says that maybe I can get there, then so be it...but im not going to get all crazy and upset and give up. There are plenty more shows to do. There is one in August in Delaware, then in September in West Chester and I would love to do KY Muscle again in November...so we will see what happens...im not stressing over it. I have a lot of work to do and I need to get a lot leaner so I will just take one day at a time, right?

This morning was back at the gym....I like working back because its one of my stronger muscle groups :)

Im going to spin class tonight at 5:30...cant wait!!!

Im just glad that my head is back on straight....and I will just take it one day at a time :)

disclaimer Im PMSing ;)

2010-04-26T16:03:00.000-04:00

Where do I even begin? Since I haven’t posted since last Monday, its throwing me off a bit. Let’s see.

Monday legs at the gym–took spinning class at the gym after work..I loved it! I think I found a new love :) Even though it kills my butt! I need to find one of those padded seats....

Tuesday–26 min EMC-shoulders at gym...Tuesday night went to my sisters for a little bit. We stopped at Starbucks and I got a light caramel frap...I shouldn’t have..its like over 200 calories...bad move, yes I know.

Wednesday–no EMC–back workout at gym. Went to spin class again! YAY!!

Thursday–No EMC—arms at gym....36 min treadmill-home after work

Friday–23 min EMC–chest/legs at the gym. Friday night- met some friends out for happy hour for my girlfriend’s birthday. I didn’t have any drinks or eat anything. I felt out of the loop because I really don’t hang out with anyone anymore, and I felt awkward and out of place. All I wanted to do was go home...isn’t that horrible? But there were pics...and I look fat...which made me sad. Oh and then I forgot my coat at the restaurant. I was so freaked! But luckily I got a hold of one of the girls and they dropped it off to me on their way home. I really didn’t care about the jacket so much as I had my work ID, gym ID, Dunkin Donut card and BJ’s card in my pocket! Thank goodness I took my keys out!

Saturday we had a communion party to go to. I didn’t pack my food and thus, had a very bad eating day. Im not even going to get into the details but it wasn’t pretty.

See this is the continuous issue that I have with myself. I cannot be around food...LOL! Well I can for the most part but when im starving...forget it....and I know its all my fault. I was unprepared and that is what happens.

Lets go back to Friday for a minute....see I also have these issues with seeing people that I haven’t seen in a while. And they know that I eat well and I workout constantly, etc....and yet when they see me, I look the same or even worse! And that makes me more sad because I talk such a good game..oh I cant eat that, I cant drink that...but yet I have all this fat on me! I should look like a freaking IFBB Pro for all the talk I do! But alas...im a cow!

Here are my issues:

•    Im not getting enough cardio in
•    Im not getting enough plyometrics in
•    Im not getting all my meals in
•    I lost my focus of what needs to be done

So I need to basically shit or get off the pot, as the saying goes.

What I cant understand is what is wrong with me. Am I that weak of a person? If im so unhappy about the way I look...then I need to change it.

Im supposed to do pics again in two weeks. And yet again...there will be no changes.

I feel like a fake and a fraud. Yes I have competed but not to the potential that I know I have. I need to put those blinders on and just focus on the course that needs to be followed with no distractions.

I must come first. And that is really hard for me. I am always ready to jump as soon as someone gives me an option to do something else. And then what I need to do, doesn’t get done...which in turn, messes my goals up.

I cannot continue to go down this path. I need to write down all my goals, and go through with them.

The only person that can stop me is me....and I keep building this brick wall up....and it needs to come down.

I wanted to do Mike’s boot camp at the end of may....I cant see me doing that either....just because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me.

thought of the day

2010-04-19T14:23:00.002-04:00

Why do I give up on myself so easily? Why do I always believe that I can’t do something? I think that is one of my biggest issues…I believe that I wont be able to get where I need to be and I have in my head that im going to fail before I do, so I think that part of my brain gives up thinking that I cant do it so why bother? That makes me mad at myself. Why do I have no faith in myself? Am I afraid to succeed? I don’t know what it is??? Its weird…its like I want something so badly but yet, don’t want to do what it takes to get there! Or im just afraid to get myself to the place I need to get just because its hard and im afraid to fail?

Wednesday

2010-04-14T11:39:00.000-04:00

Wow a post two days in a row? Can you stand it? LOL!

Feeling great this morning....got up and got in 20 min of cardio (if my ass got up earlier it would have been longer) and then went to the gym and had a great back workout :) While i was finishing my workout i noticed that i was the only one down in the weight room...sweet! So what did i get to do? Posing practice in the big mirrors :) I always play around when im down there by myself....in my head i see myself as having a perfect body and do my 1/4 turns like a pro....turning with some sass in my step...you know how they do it ;)

So i pretend that i can do what it takes up there....the confidence, the body, the smile, the sass.....its fun and silly to dream isn't it? LOL!

But honestly, it does help with confidence and makes me feel good.

Today is my nephew's 2nd birthday...so we are going to my sister's for dinner. I have to run to Trader Joes and pick up my dinner (brown rice, fish and string beans) and take it along with me over there. Its so nice that they dont question me anymore.....they know the drill and they finally accept that i do what i do and they leave me be :) They will still make their comments every once in a while but its getting better :)

So since im happy today, i figured i would post cause most days im tired and cranky ;)
I signed up for a daily text from Gaspari Nutrition and they send me a daily motivational quote...i loved todays: "The wall isn't there to stop you, it's a way to making you realize how much you desire to reach your goal." LOVE IT!!!

And i will reach my goal...someday, somehow...i will get there :)

tuesday :)

2010-04-13T16:33:00.002-04:00

Why am I so hungry today? I ate my lunch at 1:30 and its around 3:00 and im starving again! Im ready to go and eat my right arm (Im left handed..LOL) Maybe it means that my metabolism is rising? All that I do know is that im sitting here, with a decent amount of work to do and I don’t want to do any of it. I am, but im dragging!

I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning after my workout. And do you know how they say that you are supposed to look at yourself in the mirror and say positive things to yourself? Cant do it...I cant....all I see is negative...but I try and put a positive spin on it in my head. And then I tell myself that if I just ate exactly what im supposed to then maybe, just maybe, I would see the changes in my body. Because I can see things...I see muscles popping out underneath the fat. And I know its not my lack of workouts...because my workouts are always great....its food.....and I could always add in more cardio...but that is another story ;)

Im learning that it all comes down to what I shove in my face. That is what is hindering any progress that I am making.

Why does food have such a control over us all? I mean, I honestly think that if I did exactly what I was supposed to eat 100% of the time, I would look amazing! And that is what makes me sad. Because I have fucked up so many times and just let food and situations control me instead of me controlling the situation. I am weak. I admit it. If its around me (and it always is) I still have that frame of mind that “one ___wont hurt me” when in fact, it is all that I do..over and over, and its such a horrible habit that just needs to be broken.

Why is there this need to eat crap? When afterwards you feel like crap for eating it and you feel guilty for eating it. So it’s a lose, lose thing and yet everyone does it!

I am supposed to be 11 weeks out...haha is what I say! I have so much fat on me still. I cant see it happening.

If I can just get the diet part down it would make such a difference. I need to stop looking at food as a want and just look at it as a need. Only clean foods are going to get me where I need to be. I need to remember that.

So what else is going on?

I have to go to a jewelry demonstration tonight...I looked at the website..the stuff is expensive! I may just get a pair of earrings or something!

My brother-in-law’s grandmom passed away yesterday. The services are Thursday and Friday. So I took off on Friday to go to the funeral....and what was the first thing I think of? What am I going to do about eating? UGH!!

Tomorrow is my nephew’s 2nd birthday :) We are going over my sister’s for dinner and then on Saturday is the kids party.

I guess that is all that is going on in my little world :) Oh, and the ovary pain is starting to hurt again! I don’t go to the gyno until may 10th!

Well that is my tuesday update :)

Am i that boring??

2010-04-07T16:29:00.000-04:00

I keep meaning to post something interesting and enjoyable for all to read....i cant come up with anything...i suck.

I am going to try and make Becca's egg bake thing (does it have a name yet?...LOL) Which means i have to stop at the store for egg white cartons :)

Oooh...i made this yummy dinner last night....i sauteed shrimp and scallops with a tiny bit of EVOO and added cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, chili powder and some onions and peppers and cooked it up and put it over brown rice....I made Adam's into tacos with guacomole and cheese....he said it was one of the best meals he has had in a long time :) That made me happy...but it was probably mostly due to the fact that he has been eating what i have been eating at dinner....egg whites....i was making him a bagel too with cream cheese but mine was just the whites with spinach and mushrooms. But that got old quick...so i would try and make him different things cause i felt bad...but now my menu changed and i get fish and brown rice and asparagus :) Much better!

I tried making a healthy iced coffee drink last night....didn't work out too well....i dont know what Starbucks does to theirs, but it is a lot yummier than mine was!

Anyway...prep is going pretty good i guess....mike basically told me after i sent him pics..."we need to get rid of your ass"....DUH!!! I know that! But im glad that he is blunt and to the point....LOL! So that is what im working on...its what im always working on....

Easter was a free meal....i didn't eat THAT bad..but i ate some "normal" food. Honestly, i dont know how people eat badly everyday. I felt like crap all night....and i didn't even eat that badly....my body just doesn't want it anymore...which is a good thing.

Cardio isn't too bad right now...2x40 min sessions a day...and my pm is broken up into tread, stepper and bike, so the time goes by super fast!

Saturday was my neice's 2nd birthday...i will try and post some pics...but it was at this little gym place with the climbing things...well me the big goof that i am i was up inside the tubes and going down the slides...LOL Hey, it kept me running around and not eating :) My sister took a picture of me in one of the tubes..it is so funny! Im such a dork ;)

Anyway..i guess that is pretty much it....my life is boring...wake up, cardio, gym, work, come home, cardio, cook, sleep, hubby time ....that is pretty much all...

but i will try and update more.

who will win?

2010-03-29T21:21:00.000-04:00

Well its monday already...weeks just go by so fast anymore....

Feeling pretty good today....saturday and sunday...not so good. I was just getting down on myself again for not doing what i should food wise again. I do this to myself all the time. I am constantly fucking up and blaming other circumstances on it. Then i am constantly comparing myself to others. I look at pictures of people who are further out than i am show wise and they look 1000 times better than me, and i get upset and depressed and want to give up. Yes, i know i need to stop comparing myself to others, i am me, yadda, yadda, yadda.....

I was talking to adam about this...he thinks that i put this time frame in my head and if im not where i think i should be that i think im bad. I just see that deadline and not just doing what i need to do every day. Im looking ahead too far...either saying i have plenty of time or whatever but really i dont. I do that every time..you would think that i would learn????

He thinks im not doing all that i could be....and deep down i dont think i am either. He said if i want this bad enough that i will do whatever it takes...because the girl standing next to me on stage did what she had to do.

He has given me so many pep talks over the years and he is always right. I dont give myself enough credit for one, and i dont push myself as much as i should. Positive and negative. I think that its hard for me to progress somewhat because i can only do so much in the gym by myself. I can only lift so heavy without someone to spot me. So that is an issue too.

I need to change things up a bit....i want to take some classes at the gym to shake things up...kickboxing or spinning or something....

So that was this past weekend.....and i got my period yesterday too...so i know where all those thoughts were coming from.....LOL! ..but today, i was feeling a lot better! I got up, did 20 min on the treadmill this morning...went to the gym and shredded my legs...food was 100%...came home did another 40 min cardio on the treadmill...ate, went to my moms to see my nephew...came home and now im going to do the stepper and some abs...then bed!!!

I hate complaining....i really do. I chose this..i love this sport....this is what i want to do...and if i love it so much then why do i sabotage myself constantly??? That is what i keep asking myself? Do i think that i dont deserve it? Do i think deep down that i will never be able to look like i belong up there? Yes, i think that is it.

Another thing that adam said to me that stuck with me after i said i should just quit all of this not compete anymore and just work out and eat decent and just be normal....he said to me "you look good, you look better than most of the girls around here."

That is when i said "im not content with looking ok...i want to be better than that!"

So I guess i just answered my own questions, huh? One part of my head knows it....and so does my heart....my heart just has to win :)

Friday :)

2010-03-26T12:59:00.000-04:00

I was playing all morning with blogger :) Like the changes???

So, i had my ultrasound done yesterday. I have cysts on both ovaries. One large one and two small on the right and one big one on the left. It was a little scary seeing those big black circles on the screen. The tech told me not to get too upset. She had them a while back and then a few days later they were gone. I have to wait until tuesday for the doctor to get the results and then we will take it from there. I am going to have to up my gyno appointment which should be easier now because of the circumstances. Because right now my appointment is May 10th. I would rather get it taken care of sooner than later. My sister had them too. She actually had them so bad that they were twisting and basically strangling the one ovary and stopped blood flow to the one ovary and she had to have one removed. So maybe its hereditary? I dont really have any pain right now which is good so i will see what happens on tuesday.

I came home and i was feeling a little sad and i told adam and he was worried about me too and gave me a big hug, which made me cry. I was fine though until he hugged me ;)

I wanted to soothe my pain and eat something i shouldn't...i wanted sushi so bad! Adam talked me out of it though. I was supposed to eat eggs but i was out so i just had some chicken and string beans :) Still healthy and clean. :)

And im so glad now that i didn't go and eat that...especially after just reading the post that Pauline Nordin wrote titled "pride"....i think she was calling me out...LOL! Because i see myself in a lot of what she was saying : Just because i was sad or stressed shouldn't be an excuse to eat something i shouldn't be. Thanks Pauline :)

So now, im off to Trader Joe's to get me some eggs and butternut squash :)

Happy Thursday :)

2010-03-25T12:27:00.002-04:00

Hello :)

I am alive and well ;) Well for the most part I am...today I am having an ultrasound done...no, im not pregnant....I have been having this pain in my lower right side for over a week now. On Monday I went to the doctors and he thinks that it is probably just a cyst on my ovary. But wants me to have the test done to be sure. I was thinking it was my appendix at first but usually the pain escalates into greater pain quickly and this wasn’t getting worse. I usually do get pain when I ovulate which is what I thought it was, but after it lasting for 3 days, I started to get worried because the ovulation pain never lasted that long! So at 3:30 today I have to go get the test done. I have to drink 40oz of water without peeing...that should be interesting...especially since I pee every 20 minutes or so...im going to be dancing in the waiting area...LOL!

What else is going on? Training is going good....food has been on target and my weight is slowly going down. Not as quickly as I want it to but it is finally moving...and the only reason I think it is finally moving again is because my diet has been perfect. Man, when they say diet is the key, it is totally the truth! I always have the mindset that one little extra bit of ___ wont effect anything....WRONG!!! It does...so that extra rice cake, or that hershey kiss, or that half of meatball that you ate over your moms the other night....it all adds up....especially on the scale :) I am finally learning my lesson.

I am trying to take one day at a time, one meal at a time. Im not hungry at all...im getting plenty of food and I am allowed to have a shake if im starving.

Pics are due next week along with my diet changes...hopefully I will get my oats back...cause I miss them terribly :)

I have so many parties and things coming up. I have to be sooo careful and just suck it up and take my food with me. April 3rd is my niece’s 2nd birthday, then easter is the 4th..then the following Saturday is my nephew’s 2nd birthday..then on April 24th is my cousin’s daughter’s communion (im the godmother)...and it’s at this yummy italian restaurant.. www.maggianos.com. That one is going to be tough.....I cant eat a thing there....hence, packing my food like a weirdo. That is the only part I don’t like about show prep. Everyone making comments about why im not eating or why I have my food, etc. I have been through this before, don’t get me wrong, but really, it gets old quick. I really don’t have a thick skin and my feelings get hurt very easily...and Adam gets mad at them quickly. He doesn’t show it to anyone but then he says stuff later. He is totally picking up for me and its great...but I just suck it all up and don’t ever open my mouth. Hopefully no one will say anything to me. (Fingers crossed).

And Adam has been really trying to add more lean muscle too. Its so funny...he keeps accusing me of shrinking his shirts....I keep telling him I don’t dry anything of his cause I don’t want to hear him! I told him well stop taking Size On and lifting like a lunatic and maybe your clothes will fit!! LOL! Man, I wish I could gain some muscle :) Im still such a wuss ball!!!!

Yes, I know...it takes time.....I just want those nice tan, toned arms this summer :) Oh and a small ass ;) LOL! Ooh...speaking of small asses.....on bodysport.com, Meriza DeGuzman does this cool butt exercise...I want to try it :)

Well I guess that is all I have for now.....

So far this week training was this:

Monday– am–legs, pm-55 min cardio, abs
Tuesday - 30 min EMC-gym-shoulders
Wednesday - am-back, pm 40 min cardio, abs
Today-am-arms, pm-cardio

Wednesday

2010-03-17T16:49:00.002-04:00

Wow...its been over a week....nothing exciting to write about.

My life really is pretty boring....and repetitive. Food wise, workout wise, cardio, etc. Days just go by and nothing really changes.

Looking at my little countdown clock I will be going into the double digits soon. Which is sort of freaking me out. Saturday will be 14 weeks out.   I want to make it this time.

April is sending me her suit! I cant wait to get it! Not that it will fit me right now, but I tried it on the day of KY Muscle so I know it fits....which is cool...she was trying to get me to wear it but I was worried that something would unhook or something because I wasn’t used to it ;)

I have been trying to get up for early morning cardio again. I always feel so much better when I do but laziness takes over sometime and I just don’t move. I started taking Superpump on Monday. I want to see if I gain any strength from it...I also want to see if I gain any weight from it (im hoping I don’t). I also have Size On that I wanted to try too..but that I think will make me gain??? Not sure.

Diet is kind of boring....I miss my oats. It changes in two more weeks...which means pics are due too! I want changes!

I am also crashing right after my weight workout for some reason? I get super tired! Working out is supposed to give you energy! LOL!!!

I was trying to do a time line of what I have to accomplish in the next 15 weeks....I have my work cut out for me!    I want to lose at least 1.5 pounds a week for the next few weeks and then hopefully at least a pound a week! I carry a lot of lower body fat..and it all has to go!

My thoughts go from focused and excited to stressed and sad. I think when im overtired and don’t want to move, I get discouraged and want to quit. But when im happy and feel good, I feel I can conquer the world! I hate that emotions play such a crutial role in how you look at things.

For instance, the other day I was feeling low and wanted to quit and I was complaining and feeling like I was too old to be doing this, why am I doing this to myself, I will never get to where I want to be, etc....

But I talked myself out of it.....I WANT this....this is my choice! No one is putting a gun to my head and saying that I have to do this!    This is only the beginning! Its going to get so much harder towards the end! I have to get over this now and be strong!

The mind is a very powerful tool...and it can be used for good and for evil ;) Staying positive is difficult to do every day. Especially when that alarm is going off at 5:00 am and its dark out and your doggie and hubby are snuggled in the bed....

I have been watching “the Sport of Figure” with Ava Cowan on Gaspari Nutrition’s website.....I watch it for motivation....I keep watching it...different episodes...over and over....I try to think like her....anything is possible....is what she says....and its true.....who is to say that I can’t do this? Its all up to me!

im back!

2010-03-08T16:54:00.001-05:00

Hello :) Im editing this post to add my pics in :)

I took off for Indy on Thursday morning...thank goodness we left on time...arrived about 9:30 or so and I called April to let her know that I landed...she was already on her way!!! We drove to Columbus only stopping once or twice?? Cant remember....but we made pretty good time. Checked in to our luxurious hotel...NOT...and hung out...we went to some stores to get some snacks for the room :) I think we were asleep before 11:00 pm....man we can hang cant we?

Friday we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast...of course we were good...oats with protein powder and I had egg whites too :) I did have a biscuit too ;) Expo was super crowded....I was actually a bit overwhelmed at times...being on the shorter side and being squished between a shitload of men who don’t care who they bump into...there were times where I was starting to get anxiety...and I had to move out of the way. Like trying to get to BSN...I told April...I will wait for you over here...and I just waited it out.....I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to find her! But I did :) We met up with Stef and Tracy and the beautiful Ms. Kelly O :) We are BFF’s ya know ;) It was really cool meeting her finally...especially since we had a failed attempt last year! She is so super sweet! I felt like have known her for years!!!! And I also met Hillary and Tara too!! So happy to have finally met them! Tara is so tiny!!! Which gives me a little bit of hope that I can get there too!!! You talk to these girls everyday online and then when you meet them it makes it so much more special :) I wish we would have all been able to hang out longer :(

And I also met Mary....she is so sweet and her smile is so sincere and she too is so super tiny! It was so cool meeting her and her daughter who looks so much like her! So cute! Congrats on your placing in masters :)

I also have to give a shout out to Kari Keenan...I came across her on Siouxcountry and I have been reading her blog throughout her prep and she placed 4th in her class! She looked incredible!! Congrats Kari :)

We watched the first round of the Pro Figure Prejudging....I cant even try to explain how incredible each and every one of them were! So beautiful and elegant and their bodies are amazing and their suits! WOW is all I can say !!!!

Friday night we went to Outback and I had a super headache so we went to Walmart so I could get something to get rid of it. Then we crashed!

Saturday we got up, ate, and headed back to Indy :) She showed me around town and then I headed back home!

I had such a great time with my bud!!!! But I did miss hubby a little ;)

So anyway...that was my adventure....now back to reality.....

Im so looking forward to getting back into it hardcore for the next 16 weeks so that I can get on that stage on June 26th! I have a lot of work to do but I know that I am going to do it and be the best me that I can! And as a reward for my efforts...we are planning to go on vacation the day after my show...mexico :) Yes, I know...mexico in the end of June beginning of july...it will be super hot...but its always hot...I will deal with it....if he can...he said that if I do the show we can go if I want to....and it will be an extra incentive to buy some cute little bikinis to go away with since I will be all thin :) LOL!

I didn’t get up for EMC this morning but I will be doing it in a bit after I get home... did 70 minutes yesterday afternoon and I had legs this morning at the gym. So I have my work cut out for me...hopefully I will be where I need to be.....I should just get lipo and not worry about all this fat....it would be a lot easier :) LOL!

One More Day!!!

2010-03-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am, i will be on my way to meet April for our girls getaway weekend in Columbus :) This will be great!!! I cannot wait!!!! And I told April, we need to take more pics...last year, i took like 3 pictures! And i didn't take any with any of the pros....this year i will....well at least i will try :)

Pssst.....Hey...Arnold....you need to move the show to somewhere warm....like Miami :) LOL!!!

I will be back on Saturday....and if im not too tired, i will post pics :)

Bye!!!

play on

2010-02-26T11:19:00.000-05:00

I was listening to this song on my ipod the other day and i was really liking the words :)

Just wanted to share :) Its about not giving up...even when you want to!

Play On....Carrie Underwood

What you're gonna do when the show is over
What you're gonna sing when the song ends
How you're gonna cope when there is no closure
Where you're gonna reach when the goal gets higher
How you're gonna make it through
When you think you lost the chance

Play on
When you're losing the game
Play on
'Cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth to sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Play on

Even when the flood gates swing wide open
Never let the currents sink you down, no
Even when you're not sure where you're going
Swimming through the mess and you can't get out
Just going through the motions, and trying not to drown

Play on
When you're losing the game
Play on
'Cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth to sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Play on

Even though it's the storm on the darkest night
Don't you ever give up the fight
Even when you feel you're all alone
Play on
Play on

Play on
When you're losing the game
Play on
'Cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth to sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Play on

its the little things

2010-02-23T16:39:00.000-05:00

its just the little things in your daily life that can make you happy...example...my new diet has a rice cake on it for my 4:30 time slot....now normally this would be an insignificant little rice cake...but when i make my afternoon coffee and im eating my fish and squash...this little treat really makes me smile :) (im such a dork...LOL)

I am really trying to stay strong and think like a competitor. It is not an easy thing to do...because my normal brain tells me that its fine to want and eat m&ms, bread, gummy bears, or just something like mashed potatoes.

What i have failed to realize is that i am this little 5 foot nothing 37 year old who wants to accomplish something that is pretty difficult...especially when i have been such a crappy eater for so long. 5lbs on me is huge...so is 15lbs....and i need to realize that this weight came back so fast...and it took me so long to get it off....so instead of having a good foundation to start with, im starting over yet again. which is frustrating, but its done and nothing can be done about it now....except to move forward...to a place where i am happy with myself again.

You would think that seeing changes in myself would that in of itself make me giddy and not even want to touch a morsel of something off plan. but i guess as being human and all, everyone is going to feel that way, right? But its true...i love seeing my body change, getting stronger, feeling better, even though im exhausted from it all.

I have to believe in myself. I know i can do this...food will not win ;)

I am looking into getting a new suit....im thinking red :)

gross

2010-02-18T11:31:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to post this....

i was on the train this morning ....there was this girl sitting across from me eating vienna sausages out of the can...

i almost threw up....

just wanted to share ;)

slacker

2010-02-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

I have been a blogging slacker :) Sorry.....

I dont even know what is going on in my life...lets see...had to send pics to Mike on Sunday....big wake up call....he changed up my diet (which i started yesterday) and so far so good....im hungry constantly though...i am trying to keep everything in check...i have 19 weeks to go. It seems like its so far away, but really its not at all. My cardio isn't too bad right now which is good. Im getting over a little illness..its like a cold/flu thing...started on friday..with my ear hurting,..and i got scared cause it was a long weekend and i didn't want to be without anything...so the doctor called in an antibiotic and ear drops for me...im feeling ok but just drained. Just overtired i think. My leg workout that i did on monday is still hurting me! I went really heavy on everything and im still feeling it! This guy was watching me on the leg press...he said "your pretty strong for a little thing"....LOL!!!!

Went out with friends for dinner on sunday for valentines day. That was nice...we actually went out early....we had 4:30 reservations...everyone was laughing because it was like we were old peeps going out so early....but we went to Adam's friend's sisters house afterwards and hung out there for a bit...it was a nice night. That was my last cheat meal...probably for a while....

I guess that is all i have right now....when i can sit down and write a normal post that has some thought and meaning to it, i will :)

16 days till I leave for the Arnold!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!

snow!

2010-02-07T21:58:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update...this is my street..hubby took the pic from the corner...i think we got about 20 inches or so...not sure...but another storm is on its way and it is supposed to drop another 10 inches or so...god this sucks!!!

June cant get here quick enough....here is one more...

that is our car....buried under the snow :) He dug it out but the street is still full so he cant drive it...and even if he could, when he got home, there would be no where to put it...

ok...i will update me tomorrow :)

Tuesday but feels like monday :)

2010-02-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

Well its Tuesday...but since i was off work yesterday, it feels like a Monday! Yesterday was me and hubby's two year wedding anniversary! Yep..two years already! Time just flies doesn't it?

We went overnight to AC...got a room at the Tropicana (which we were upgraded to a suite) and had a wonderful time :) Eating wasn't great...but i knew it wasn't going to be...im not going to get worried about it because its done and over with. Time to get back to business ;)

Did 30 min EMC this morning and then hit the legs hard at the gym...it was a really long workout too for some reason....but i got through it all...well almost all of it....i had to do 100 jump lunges at the end of the torture...i got 40 in...which means i will have to finish them tonight when i get home :)

Other than that...nothing exciting really happening. Im going to my sister's tonight for dinner (im bringing mine) just to hang out and see my nephew.    God forbid, i dont see my family at least once a week! LOL!    Which brings up something that really gets to me. My sister's birthday is sunday. She calls me last night and asks me to go to dinner on saturday night....there are a bunch of couples going....all her friends...and she asked me and adam to go...but this is the way she asks me : "well i dont even know why im inviting you because i know your not going to go but im not rude like you and i invite you to things, but we are going to dinner for my birthday on saturday if you want to come." and then adds "and i know adam just loves being around a bunch of people too", so im sure you will go (being sarcastic)....and me, the non confortational person that i am, doesn't say a word.....if she can be a bitch, why cant I?

So then she texts me this morning and asks me if we are going....i told her "i dont think so, we dont have the money and honestly, they are your friends, and i just wouldn't feel comfortable. And it has nothing to do with Adam. (because she will automatically think that its Adam who doesn't want to go)....i shouldn't care anymore...but i do.    I feel like im the younger sibling and she is the older one. Its just so many things with all of them...Adam doesn't come around all the time because he is busy...he works all day, then goes to the gym, and on tuesdays (which is when i see my family usually) he takes Angelica to Karate so he doesn't get home until 8:30 or so....so he hasn't seen anyone in probably close to a month...but they automatically think that he doesn't want to be around them and that he doesn't like them..but in actuality, he knows that they say stuff about him all the time and doesn't want to be around it. So, its a crazy situation and i hate being in the middle of it...its annoying!

Anyway....I think that is all i got.....im tired now....LOL!

2010-01-28T11:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Thursday :)

Well i did it...i bit the bullet...and finally caved on spending the money on this....

Watergeeks stainless steel filtered water bottle...yes its 25.00 BUT....

1) its helping the enviornment with me not buying case after case of bottled water

2) it will help me save money in the long run

3) i wont have a giant box of water bottles on my floor that i always seem to kick or trip over constantly :)

Today was a tough morning...my human alarm clock (hubby) overslept this morning...which in turn made me oversleep.***

***I dont put the alarm on when he sleeps on the side of the bed with the alarm...yes we switch sides constantly because he cant ever get comfortable ;)

Anyway...i didnt make it to the gym but i got in a good cardio session watching LOST....im catching up on last season on Netflix :) Its so good...but sooo confusing! So many flash backs, forwards, etc...i have no idea what is going on...but i love it!!!!

It was chest day anyway...and i dont need anymore chest than i already have ;)

More cardio tonight....so i can finish the episode i had to stop watching :)......I could have stayed on that treadmill forever this morning....just watching it....it really makes the time go by.....I am also catching up on last season of Greys Anatomy too....i go back and forth....one disk Greys, on disc Lost....im getting through them pretty quick....im going to have to find something else to watch...i think Dexter Season 2 is next....

Tuesday :)

2010-01-26T16:50:00.000-05:00

Training this week is starting off great! Yesterday I did legs! And i am feeling it today! After work i came home and did 40 minutes on the treadmill. Watched Heroes and the up to bed! Being i went to bed so early i was able to get up and do some EMC :) Got in 30 minutes, ate 6 egg whites and then hit the gym for shoulders! I got there early because I had a looong workout to complete! I got the entire thing done and i felt so good afterwards :)

Diet is going pretty good. Im doing good with my timing but my little "extras" need to start to go away. They aren't really even bad "extras" but the extra calories do add up....for instance...Trader Joe's finally came out with an almond butter with the flax seeds in it....just like Naturally More...which i totally am in love with! So i bought it...and i had to taste it to see if it tasted the same as Naturally More ;) And it did!!!! I didn't have much...i stirred it up and then just ate the excess off the spoon ;) Or at night i will have a 1/2 cup of fat free greek yogurt with a little bit of granola.

I did have my "cheat" meal on Saturday....went a little overboard on the carbs but its all good!

I am good...and i am happy and healthy and i will get to where i need to be....and i will not have a rebound this season...i will keep it up....and continue to grow and get better....because they do say we get better with age right?

I have set my focus on June....im continuously visualizing me up there on that stage...making my quarter turns, smiling, knowing how hard i worked....and knowing that i gave it my all....strong, focused, happy. Is there anything better???

*****

I am so looking forward to the Arnold....everyone all fit and arms and abs showing! I love it!!!!! As much as this country is so overweight...it is so nice to see fit, happy, healthy people all together in one place! Makes you feel not alone :)

My two year wedding anniversary is coming up next week....i cant believe it! Its two years already!!! We are going to Atlantic City overnight Sunday-Monday. So that should be nice!

What else?? um.....oh....we had really heavy rains again yesterday....came home...and my countertop was all wet again! Which means that the roof is STILL leaking!!!!! Thank god i didn't get my kitchen done yet! I would be a crazy person! The cabinets are getting all warped and splitting....i should put in a homeowners claim but i just switched companies so i dont want my rates to go up!

I guess that is all i have for now....Im going to my sister's tonight to visit the family...because god forbid i dont see them at least once a week! LOL!!

Believe

2010-01-22T15:40:00.000-05:00

"To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will"

I have been doing some thinking....I don't believe in myself. Having such bad self esteem for so long has really hurt me. I think that in the back of my head I don't believe that I deserve to look the way I want to.

Adam believes that a lot of my issues has to do with my family and the way they make me feel guilty all the time. That may have something to do with it. But i am so hard on myself all of the time.

I need to believe wholeheartedly that i can do what needs to be done. I have done it twice already...I can do it again. But I want to do it differently. I don't want to gain again like i did the past two times. I want to kick myself repeatedly for being so stupid. I would be so far ahead of the game if i didn't eat the way i did through November and December.

Im not going to get into all the boo hoo'ing and woe is me crap.. I did it, its done...i have to move on. I need to believe in me...and what i can do. I can get to where i need to be....if i believe....im trying....

2010-01-15T10:57:00.000-05:00

Another work week done....time just goes...i went to the new gym 2xs this week and Bally's the other three days....as much as i hate bally's, im comfortable there...i know where im going..i know most of the people there in the morning, i have my locker, my stuff, etc....its more routine for me there....even though this morning it was more busy than usual...but i guess that is normal since its January...they will be gone soon enough.

Tomorrow marks 23 weeks out. I just need to focus on my goal. That is all there is to it right? FOCUS....

I came across a great line on some blog i forget now....LOL!

"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure"

I guess i could relate to that....even though i have tried and i have accomplished my previous goals of getting on that stage.....but now the goals have changed a bit.....i want to belong up there....not just get up there...there is a difference...and i have the time to make a difference in my appearance...so i must do it...no one else can get me there besides me...my trainer can only give me the tools to get there. He can tell me what to do, what to eat, etc...it is up to me to do the right thing and then to go that extra mile...to push myself to do more when i dont want to. Its all up to me.

How bad do i want it? How hard am i willing to work to get it?

That my friends, is all up to me....and i have to dig deep for this one....because i want it!!!

January 12, 2010

2010-01-12T15:24:00.000-05:00

I guess the games have begun...i was trying to figure out my time line of how long i had until the june show..so what better way than to put up a countdown clock :) So i have 165 days....which may seem like a lot...but really, its not. I know this from experience...i have made this mistake for the past two years...always saying that i have enough time.....and i never do...so im starting early....i have 24 weeks...bring it on!

Weight is up from the holiday binge....im only starting my second week of my new diet so we will have to see how it goes. I dont have to do pics for 3 more weeks..so i need to keep it as clean as i can...even though that Fage yogurt keeps calling my name....its not so much the yogurt...but the granola i put in it.....i dont use a lot but its not on plan so i have to cut it out...

Im in the process of booking my flight for the Arnold...we have our hotel too :) I am flying in Thursday..April will pick me up...drive to Columbus....and relax for the night...then friday do the expo and whatever else and then on saturday, drive back with april and she can drop me off at the airport :) I was only going to do overnight again but hubby was saying that it was kind of a waste for me to fly out there for just one night...so i will stay two :) I think he is trying to get rid of me....LOL! But hey, i get to see my friend an extra day :)

Today was shoulders....
laterals, front presses, db press, 1/4 laterals, rear delt presses, upright rows...i think that was it ;)

i didn't get up for cardio this morning because hubby decided to talk to me until after 11:00..then wanted to watch the Office at 11:00-11:30....i went up at 10:15 or so and was all cozy....oh well! So i didn't get enough sleep to get up at 5:00...so now i will have to go home and do some after i get home.

I did 25 min EMC yesterday and did 45 last night....im trying to get back in the groove!!!

I have a lot of work ahead of me...but i know that if i stay focused i will get it done.

The thing that is hard for me is when situations arise...my friends are meeting tomorrow for dinner....and italian place...i will try and be as good as i can...but its so hard when everyone doesn't care what the heck they eat....and then on saturday i have a baby shower....i need to be prepared...this stuff is always going to come up...i have to deal with it right?

i guess that is it for now....

Wednesday :)

2010-01-06T16:39:00.001-05:00

Already 6 days into 2010! Crazy how fast time goes!

Got my new meal plan and workouts on Sunday and I started on Monday. Food is not bad but prepping the food and portioning it out is the worst part. I am constantly eating and im never hungry...which is good..but its so much that I feel like that is all I do is eat and run to the bathroom from all the water! I get a cheat meal once a week too..which helps.

I had a little mess up on Tuesday (see? Im already messing up)...in my sleep I must have shut off my alarm instead of snoozing and I slept until 8:00! Jumped up, had to take a quick shower, gather my food, and head out the door! So mad...second day into it and I messed it up!

Today I went to the new posh gym...OMG! I forgot to mention this! My boss for christmas got me a 3 month membership to this really nice gym..... www.sportingclubbellevue.com..it has everything and I know im going to get spoiled really quickly! They have new nice equipment, tv’s on every piece of cardio equipment. The women’s locker room has its own jacuzzi, sauna, steam room and then it leads to an olympic sized pool......so nice. And I don’t have to worry about towels, shampoo/conditioner, hairdryer/curling/straightening iron..they supply it all. Then it has an indoor track, full regulation basketball court, yoga studio, kickboxing, TRX, spinning...I could go on and on...anyway.....so I went today for the first time...its really big and confusing but I will get the hang of it im sure....but after the 3 months I can continue it if I want to....I will see....but its 99 bucks a month! That is a lot compared to what I pay now....I think I pay 30.00 a month??? So it’s a big difference.

So anyway...had a great shoulder workout! Their free weight area is great...they actually have different increments than bally’s does....for instance they had 12.5 and then 15 and then 17.5. So that was a change up...and they had the machine for the rear delt presses..which are always on my workouts but I just do free weight ones because the machine wasn’t available...so I got to do them :)

So what else is going on?? I don’t think anything! Im going to redo my vision board..I have been meaning to do it for a while now....laziness I guess.

Well since im extra lazy...im going to leave you with some pics from christmas....im such a slacker ;)

new year---new me

2010-01-02T11:04:00.001-05:00

Well I did some reading last night.....i read over my blog from the past year...and i discovered what my resolution should be for this year.....

all that i did was bitch, complain, and waste time and energy into not getting what i want...excuse after excuse....missing meals, cardio, cheating....and i wonder why i look the way i do? All i ever did was blame everything and everyone and it was all my doing...so as of today, january 2, 2010...i will do what i need to do to get where i need to be.....and i will stay focused, determined, and i will not put myself down..i will stay motivated and will not put myself down...i will use this blog as my focus and my positive outlook....no more debbie downer.....there is only one way to get what i want....to go out there and get it, right? Only one thing is stopping me.....me.....and im done with it.....Im done comparing myself with others, im tired of always....well being me...which is why i am the way i am!

So now its a new me.....lets see what i can do :)

Happy New Years!!!!!

2009-12-31T11:57:00.000-05:00

Well its New Years eve....i actually have no plans this year...which is fine. I made dinner reservations for me and Adam for 7:00...but not sure if we are going to just stay home instead...but at least we have them in case. Its pretty crappy out today...snow/rain mixture....and tomorrow will be the end of my eating....my sister has an open house on new years day...since we have the Mummers Day Parade and she is right off the path of the parade...but since the weather will be crappy, not sure if it will be crazy or not....all i know is that i am glad this year is over. Not because it was a bad year...but im just glad that the holidays themselves are done so i can get back to being in control of my food intake....its so hard during this time of year...with all the cookies and candy and crap everywhere....ugh! Im done!

I got the pictures i ordered from KY Muscle...from the photographer...i only got the 4x6 pics...i have to scan them and post them...they are ok..but you can still see that i need to put on some muscle and get rid of my bottom half....all in time i guess.

All i know is that i feel that i gained weight again that took me so long to lose....all for sugar....and processed food..will i ever learn? I doubt it..>LOL!

I dont really make new years resolutions....but my goal for this year is to just be the best me i can....and to stay in control of my life....

Me and April are going to the Arnold again!!! YIPPEE!!!! I cant miss our annual reunion ;) So much fun!!!!

Who else is going this year??

Well i hope everyone has a wonderful new years eve/day...and 2010 will be wonderful...i just know it :)

wannabe?

2009-12-21T13:03:00.000-05:00

Im trying to figure out something....am i a wanna be?

I sometimes think that i am....i say i want to get the best body...to compete and win.....to be a contender....but yet, i am not doing what i need to do to get there.....

am i all talk? Am i doing what it takes to get to that level?

Honestly, right now....im saying no....im not doing what i should be doing....im eating crap when i shouldn't....my workouts aren't that great.....

i watch videos of figure girls, i read everything imaginable....but yet....i, myself am not doing it....

its all the holidays....parties, baking, shopping....not being prepared...so my meals are suffering...i know it...my husband knows it...my pants know it.

I still have that mentality that i deserve some time off.....i dont deserve it....i should have taken a day or two off from the gym.....had a few yummy meals...and then got back to it hardcore....but not me....i have to take advantage....and it is only going to hurt me....so why am i doing it? And how do i stop?

I have so much work to do to be able to get where i need to be.....i need to get a grip.....and focus on what i want.....and pretend that im a month out from my show....if i was a month out i would never even think about eating off plan.....

i need to breathe....and refocus.....only a few more days till christmas right?

My Review of 2432

2009-12-21T11:23:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at OhNuts.com

powerful

By angela from philadelphia, PA on 12/21/2009

Pros: Tasty

Cons: Strong

When these first came i was really excited about them...they sounded soo good! And they were! The only criticism that i have of them is that the cinnamon coating was really strong...but if you just pop one in your mouth before biting it, it was a lot better :) They are sweet, with a bit of chocolate and cinnamon....i would definitely recommend them to others...especially if you love cinnamon!

(legalese)

My Review

2009-12-21T11:16:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at OhNuts.com

This pecan is a unique blend of cranberry infused flavor and cinnamon spice. Each bite is a soft yet somewhat crunchy experience.

YUM!

By angela from philadelphia, PA on 12/21/2009

Gift: No

These pecans were so good. They were sweet but not overly too sweet..just perfect :)

(legalese)

bored

2009-12-17T15:18:00.000-05:00

I have been playing with the idea of moving to wordpress....i designed a page, added links to it...basically copied this whole blog to wordpress...but i dont know if im diggin it too much.....i am so used to blogger...i know all the ins and outs of it....but wordpress has snow ;) There are things on blogger that i like....the blog roll is updated by newest entry...i cant figure out if wordpress has that.....i like the little tabs on the top on wordpress...but would i use them?

I get bored and i want to change things....but why? If i like it here....why am i trying to switch? I guess its boredom ;)

***

Last night me and my mom went to the mall to go christmas shopping....i got the majority done...adam is done, my mom and dad are done...kids are done....all i have left is little odds and ends....

I have to figure out what i am doing as far as baking. i have to make 7 tins of chocolate covered pretzels for Angelica's teachers. I want to make THESEand THESE ...and maybe add them to the tins....we'll see :)

Tonight i have to go to see Angelica's christmas recital at her school....i want to try and get adam to run back to the mall afterwards...i need two little gifts.

***

Question:

My family (if you read my blog you know) revolves everything around food....well Christmas Eve we do the "7 Fishes" which mostly consists of fried food....my mom makes fried shrimp, bacala(cod..battered and fried), clams casino, crabs and spaghetti, cocktail shrimp, smelts (some gross fish) and i actually cant remember what else....anyway....i was thinking of bringing a few dishes (maybe a salmon dish and maybe some sushi rolls??) that are a little healthier than all the fried stuff.....

so my question is this....do you think my mom will get insulted if i bring this up to her? I want to say something but im afraid she will get upset. They put a lot of time and money into doing christmas eve dinner. My husband even thinks all the fried food is crazy...and he is like me and even though he likes the fried stuff too, would rather eat a little better.

now dont get me wrong...i love all the food...but such a fattening dinner...along with all the desserts and everything...it gets to be a little too much....so at least if there is something healthier there....i wont eat as much of the bad stuff if i eat the healthier food.

Because i have to get in the swing of things....this saturday will be 27 weeks i think?? Something like that....i need to make real changes this year....because im coming home with a figure girl trophy this year!!!!

what can i say?

2009-12-15T14:48:00.000-05:00

Diet isn't great...workouts are pretty good.....cardio needs to be kicked up a notch.....im tired....and i still have so much christmas shopping to do....i wrote out my christmas cards...didn't mail them yet.....im making incomplete sentences....sorry :)

I wanted to post something since its been a week....i am not all peppy today so my mind is all jumbled....i will leave you all with cuteness :) My nephew makes me smile :)

New Look

2009-12-08T14:59:00.000-05:00

Motivation is the key to success right? Welll my header is my new motivation :) These women are a direct result of dedication, consistance and persistance....which is what i need.....i have no consistancy in my diet right now...and its hurting me.

Instead of looking at this time as a basis to improve and grow and work on what i need to for next year, here i am, eating pretty good...not perfect....and slipping into the "ive got plenty of time" mentality again! Skipping on the cardio...picking on things i shouldn't....all because i think i can....when really i should be more strict in order to make the changes that i want!

I have a lot of body changes to make.....which is going to take a lot of work....i need to get back into the groove!

I cannot have an "off-season" I have to be in constant control of my workouts/nutrition. If this is what i want to do...i need to realize what needs to be done....i always have an excuse....and im not going to change and get better if i keep making excuses.

This is my life...and if this is a goal of mine....i need to put in the time and the work...that is all there is to it. No one is making me do this....I want this....and i will not get back on that stage again if i dont look like i belong on that stage. And i will look like i belong ;)

So this is my new look....and i am going to have one too.....yes, it will take time....but with time, the look that i need to belong up there will come as well.

I know i can do this.....if i just believe that i can...and that will probably be one of the most difficult parts of it all....believing in myself. Believing that i can do this!!! That i can push myself to get to a place where i have never reached before....I want Top 5....i want to be lean, tight, strong, ready....i want to be able to be proud of myself and know that i gave 110% all the time with no regrets.

So with that being said....i am going to try and post more.....my workouts, my food...i need to hold myself accountable for all to see :)

I need that structure....i need that focus....without it, i have nothing to strive for....i need goals.

I am waiting for the new NPC schedule to come out....i already have my first show picked out....yes...it is the show that i have been trying to do now for 2 years......the Tracey Greenwood Classic....its in Philly for God's sake! No travel, i can go home in between...its perfect! I have let myself down too many times.....i wont do it again....so i will be on that stage in June....it will be a week after my 38th birthday (yes im old)...but it will be my birthday gift to myself :) What a better gift than taking home a little figure girl :)

Wednesday :)

2009-12-02T15:19:00.004-05:00

Hello peeps!

Well this morning started off wonderfully...i finally got my butt out of bed and got some good old EMC in before heading to the gym :) AND i even did a load of clothes! Yay me!! LOL! I really feel so much better when i get up and hop on the treadmill....i really need to just get up and do it.

I got to the gym and it was actually busier than usual for some reason....i did legs today...some wide leg presses, dead lifts, one legged weighted lunges, leg extension, leg curls, step ups, adductors, and abductors...(I think that was it)...i will definitely be sore as the week goes on.....

Well I am finally doing one of my many product reviews....

Christopher at Element Bars was kind enough to send me a bar to taste...Amanda's Livestrong....it contained oats, honey, brown sugar, almonds, organic flax seeds, baby m&ms, Vanilla, sea salt...everything pure and natural....it was really a tasty bar! I would definitely try them! And the best part of their company is that you can actually build your own bars...you pick out the ingredients, they make them and ship them right out to you! How cool is that???

(yes that is the bar with a bite mark ;)..LOL)

The bar had 253 calories, 6g fat and 5 grams protein....if i made my own, i would definitely add more protein too it but for a little snack this was perfect :) They are a little pricey, (approximately $36.00 for 12 bars) but they say you get what you pay for, and if you are looking for a bar that is healthy and natural, these bars are it. I would definitely order some but not until after the holidays, when i have money again!

Oh and back to the gym....I had said that one of my goals for the end of the year was to do an unassisted pull up...i did 3 sets on the assisted machine...10x70, 8x50, and 3x30....so i got in 3 at basically 70% of my body weight....i will get there..one of the girls at the gym was telling me to do yoga...that a lot of upper body strength is needed for yoga and she is always sore afterward...so maybe i will try and incorporate it a day or so?? I should get the PX90 and do that yoga..im sure that would kick my butt ;)

well i guess that is my update for today :)

tuesday :)

2009-12-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

Well i guess since im back at work today, i should blog ;)

Thanksgiving was very nice....ate too much of course....then friday was Adam's birthday so we went out to dinner and to see Planet 51 with angelica. It was cute....but not worth telling people to go see it....

Saturday started decorating and cleaning (still not done) and then saturday night went to a bar/restaurant with Adam's friend and his wife...so i had a drink there and ate bad...

Sunday we took a ride to AC for an overnight stay at the casino. I had booked it months ago for Adam's birthday....we went to dinner (again) and hung out....gambled a bit..didn't win of course.....yesterday we were off work and we went shopping and then came home.

My parents had my doggie and we went and picked him up...he was so happy to see me :) Gotta love that!

****
Genie was telling me how she has her cat shaved because there is hair everywhere....well i get it from both the cat and the dog...so i know hair....i may try and have the cat shaved....he would look so silly....but it would make me laugh right? LOL!

***
I have a few product reviews to do....and man im lazy with these reviews...but not lazy about eating them!

I will get to it..promise :)

****
Fitness front---

well my weight is up a bit from my show...which is to be expected i guess...and eating out will definitely add the pounds on...so im on a clean diet from now until christmas...for the most part...i got a new diet from Mike and it has two cheat meals on it so hopefully i can keep it that way...i think my main thing is to get back to the cardio....i need to get up and do my EMC again.....i always felt so much better and my day was better when i was doing it...but i got lazy and stopped it.....which is another reason why i guess the weight isn't moving at all...well it will keep going up if i dont do something about it!

I have a few goals for this upcoming year...

1) to do unassisted pull up(s)
2) to be able to run a full mile without stopping--im getting there...im so used to do doing intervals its hard to not make myself stop!
3) get this fat off my legs and ass!---that is actually #1 ;)
4) be ready to compete again in June and be able to do another show in the fall...i definitely dont want to just do one show this year....
5) put on some muscle---definitely shoulders :) My favorite!
6) a very far fetched goal--but still a goal nevertheless--make top 5 at a show.

So with that in mind...i have got to get back in the game mentally and not think that this holiday season is just a free for all...and actually do something this season....

****

Anyone have plans for New Years? We usually go to our friends house but she is having a baby and is due on December 13th...so they wont be hosting a party.....so now we have no plans....we were thinking about going somewhere but it will be impossible to get reservations anywhere especially flying somewhere..and the money is also an issue too! So who knows what we will do!!!

well i guess that is all i got for now.....

2009-11-26T11:41:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone :)

Honest Scrap Award

2009-11-20T16:25:00.002-05:00

Well since my lovely friend April tagged me for the Honest Scrap Award which asks me to divulge 10 Truths then tag 7 more bloggers who I think will be 100% truthful. Lets see if i can do this....

1. I hate to clean...i only clean because i have to...i desperately want to hire a cleaning lady.

2. I want to shave my cat because i cant take all the cat hair everywhere

3. Sometimes i want children...until they start crying....or until they poop...then i realize how much i like my dog.

4. I am constantly worried that people watch everything i eat because im supposed to be "healthy" and then if i eat something im not supposed to, that they talk about me behind my back.

5. I love my family but they always make me feel guilty! My parents and my sister and her husband's family are constantly together and i am always asked to go over...and it drives me crazy...i like to be able to go home and relax and do my own thing every once in a while...but then i feel guilty all the time!

6. I didn't drink coffee until i was in my late 20s...i had this "thing" with coffee....my mom used to use the perculated coffee maker when i was young and it always had the coffee grinds in the bottom of her mug...and i would ask what it was and she said it was "cockys" (meaning bad) so i always associated coffee with bad?? (Strange, i know.LOL)

7. I "grew" boobs around the summer going into 8th grade....i had a cute little shirt that had a "T" on it with teddy bear cheerleaders on it.....and all the boys used to tease me saying that the T was for....(ya know)..i never wore that shirt again!

8. I have a very hard time budgeting my money....i cant save money for the life of me!

9. I cant wear pajama pants to bed...or socks....i can only wear t-shirts...but i wear my cozy pjs around the house :)

10. i want to get remarried so i can have thinner wedding pictures...i hate my arms in my pics!

Ok...i guess that is it...im not going to tag anyone because i think everyone in my little circle was already hit :)

show recap

2009-11-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

Well i never really did a recap to KY Muscle...April did a pretty good job going through it all though ;)

My plane took off at 7:25 am and was early arriving in Indy...I called April when i got my baggage and she was already on her way...she picked me up and we were on our way to KY....made a few stops and we got to the Galt House around noonish? We were able to check in and our room was really nice..... i got the suite instead of the room....so we had more room to make a mess...LOL!

After we brought everything up to the room (including April's mom's microwave...thank you april's mommy) we were able to relax a bit....so we took a nap :) Woke up, ate, and got ready to go down for our check in and get our cool NPC ID cards :)

After that was over...we began the lovely task of tanning! UGH!!!! Tanning is the biggest pain in the ass ever! It is so worth that extra $100.00 to get sprayed....so next time...definitely going wtih the spray!

So saturday came and we were up around 6:00 i think? Did another coat of tan and then got dressed and started make-up...

i was a greasy mess...i was so shiney all day...no matter how much powder i used...i was just oily for some reason.....as you can see....

April isn't though :)

Went to the hall to get our #s and i was #12 :)

We had to be back at 12:30 for prejudging...when i first got on stage i was shaking sooo bad! It was horrible! I didn't even think i did my quarter turns right....i was just so nervous...and i wish i would have just taken a deep breath or something right before...but it just went so fast and honestly i have no idea what i did...prejudging was until about 2:30...went back to the room...crashed again....woke up...and went back for the night show.....neither of us really even wanted to go back..we just wanted to eat :) So night show was long....i didn't get off stage until after 10:00!

Here is April in line at the night show :)

We left, got back to the room, took showers and ate...crashed on sugar and fell asleep...LOL!

TO BE CONTINUED......(i have to go to sleep....LOL)

my brain hurts

2009-11-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

Hi all...i have so much to write about....from my show experience (yes, just like my friend April...I too came in last place) to posting the few pics that i did take (which are basically the same as April's) along with doing a review of the samples that i received from Vitalicious and another product review of Newman's Organics!

Honestly...right now i dont have it in me.....

I had a cry fest after seeing my pics (please dont even go look for them...they are horrible)....adam had a long talk with me...and a lot of what he was saying was true.....it takes time.....time to build muscle, time to get rid of all of the fat that i have on my body....i have come a long way.....i know that...but it still sucks! I still worked hard.....and for that i am happy.....i had a wonderful time with April....she is my right hand and i wish we lived closer!!!! I got to meet Genie (even if it was only for a second ;)..LOL) She is too cute!!!

The whole competition experience is wonderful....i love it....as exhausting as it is, i love it! I love the fact that everyone who is there has the same outlook....the same goals written on their calendars....some are more competitive, of course, but most are there to have a good time and to strut their stuff on stage! You dont see anybody being catty or mean. Im glad that i have had such a good experience with that.

I have a lot to work on......and i have two sides to me.. the angel and the devil...one side says to go for it and try to be the best possible me and work hard and dont stop and strive or top 5 at a show....and then the other part of me (the negative me) says that i will never be able to place or get where i need to be so why even bother??

Im torn......do you quit something you like to do because its hard and dont know what you can accomplish at the end or do you push yourself and make yourself into something that you want? Yes its good to have a goal...but what if that goal is something that you could never attain? what if you go through it all again....and you give it 110% the whole time and still dont end up where you should? Is that worse than not doing it at all? Is just wondering if you could do it enough? Is failing at something you want so bad worth the pain afterwards?

The past two shows i have done to get my feet wet..to get the stage experience....and i didn't care how i placed...i did it to hang out with my friends and to make new ones....but when you see that last place standing...it kinda sucks.....and i dont want to be there anymore....so again...do i hang up my hooker heels and say it was fun, or do i get back in that gym and build myself a body that deserves top 5???

that is the question i keep asking myself......

3 days to go!

2009-11-11T12:06:00.003-05:00

well here we are....its wednesday....the wednesday before my show....well my and April's show....i cannot wait to see her!!! Its going to be so much fun! Even though i get to eat and drink more than her ;)

This final prep week has been so different than last go around.....i actually get to eat and drink water!! I am a little nervous about this....since last time i had a dry out....so my mind is playing tricks on me....i am going to continue to trust my trainer.....he knows his stuff.....and just see what happens.....its all i can do....trust the process is what i have been told....so far, so good.....i am looking at it this way too....if nothing else changes in my body from now until saturday....then i will look like i do now....with a tan.....and that isn't so bad :)

Weight was still 105.2 this morning.....but all in all, I must say that this has been a pretty enjoyable prep....i enjoy this process and until i really stop and think about it, it just goes by and i don't let it settle in....i need to realize what an accomplishment it is to just have the discipline to do this sport....yeah, my body still has plenty of improvements to make...but i will get there....this is a journey...and i need to remember that.....i have goals that i want to accomplish...and i know that i will only continue to get better, as long as i stay focused and i realize how great this sport is! Now, don't get me wrong...at times it sucks....not being able to be "normal" and having to stay in and missing parties, going to dinner, and not seeing family as much, etc...but as i continue to get older, i am realizing that you have to live for yourself too....I have always been the person who puts everyone else first before me. Doing this, you have to become a little selfish...and its hard sometimes....because i get grief from my family and friends....im not asking them to eat what i eat...im not asking them to do what i do.....but yet, i get made to feel like im doing something wrong.....and i know im not.....im doing something that only a small percentage of people can do....and i have to remember that!

This guy came up to me yesterday morning in the gym....i see him every once in a while and we wave to each other.....well yesterday he came up to me and i took my headphone off...he said to me "you are such an inspiration to me....you are here every day...no matter what.....your dedication is amazing"....I said thank you! That really meant a lot....he said "it is hard for me to get here 2-3 times a week, but no matter what, you are here!" WOW! See? You never know who notices what you do....it felt good...it made me smile :)

So this afternoon i am going to get my nails and toes done. Tonight i will be making some more food, 7 layer bars and getting some stuff packed....tomorrow i took a half day from work and i am going to make brownies and Paula Deen's Gooey Butter cakes...yum!!!! Then i have to go and get my hair blown out and finish packing! I cant believe its here and i know it will be over before you know it....

Hopefully i will be able to post from my phone.....or at least post on facebook ;) Now you know why i had to have the iphone before christmas ;) Just for this reason :)

And I really wanted to thank all of you who have posted comments on my blog...it really means a lot to me :)

And i really want to thank April....just for being such a wonderful friend :) I would never have been able to do this without her! Even though she is miles away....i feel like she is always right there with me :) It is so crazy...how a friendship can grow even though we only see each other a couple times a year! I talk to her more than my friends who live here! She is the best!!!! Love that girl!!!! : )

Well i will try and update tomorrow and over the weekend :) Damn...where the hell did the time go???

BYE :)

6 more days!!!

2009-11-09T13:02:00.001-05:00

Wow! I cannot believe its here! Im feeling ok....weight is at 105.6....i just wish i had more muscle...im just basically skinny....here is a front and side pic....Im hoping i come in ok for show day...this peak week is a lot different than last time....so i will probably look like this....with a tan....LOL!

Im trying to just stay positive and focused...i know im not going to place...im just here to have fun....with my buddy April :) That is all that matters! Oh and the yummy food afterwards!!!

Im getting excited and scared and freaked out and its all good!!

(Oh, and by the way..that isn't my side pose..dont worry...i was actually trying to do the correct pose and the timer went off...but i thought the pic came out ok...LOL)

11 days

2009-11-03T15:06:00.000-05:00

I needed to update! I cant have TGIF up there..its tuesday! LOL!

So...lets see....11 days to go....panic sets in every once in a while....i know im not going to look great...i know my ass is not what it should be....but i also have to give myself some credit....im working my butt off (no pun intended)....im giving it my all...and that is what counts right?

I feel thinner than last time...i feel tighter than last time....but im still not "stage" ready....i wont be that way this time....but im getting there....and my next show....i will be ready....

but in the meantime...i need to stay confident...i need to have a positive mindset....all this negativity is not getting me anywhere...and i know i need to stop...but its really hard....its so easy to put yourself down....but to make yourself sound good? that is difficult!

What needs to happen is that after the show....and we eat...i need to get a quick handle on my food....especially with the holidays coming.....i have to keep up with my cardio and eating clean....treats here and there...but im not doing what i did last year....

I cant wait to see April....i cant wait to hang out and get all prettied up ;) I just need to relax and enjoy the ride...cause its gonna be a bumpy one ;)

TGIF

2009-10-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

I wanted some motivation for today :) This is IFBB Pro Valerie Haines. She is doing the KY Pro...the same show as me....

This is Terry Turner....she is also doing the KY Pro....

And I think they are both so incredible and i would love to look like either of them! I have spoken to both of them a few times back and forth and I am actually going to get to meet them in person! how cool is that??? Im very excited!!! But also on the same hand...my body does not even come close to either of them! Im trying...i am....not happening.....yet ;)

I found a beautiful pair of earrings today at this little store near my work....they were like $40.00 which isn't so bad.....i may get them. They were kinda big though....but sparkly :)

So this weekend will be 2 weeks out! I have to do pics and send them out....hopefully some changes have been made in the last week or two.....i hope so...cause i need it.

Weight was 107.2 this morning.....I got up and did 30 min EMC and then hit the gym for chest and some abs...more abs and cardio tonight.

We have angelica tonight because tomorrow is halloween.....she has a cold though and im panicking because i dont want her to be giving me her cold....everyone around is sick and (knock on wood) i have been avoiding it...but since we are going to be sleeping in the same room (because Adam's brother is still with us and is in Angelica's room) I am going to have to sleep on the air mattress...or she is.....whichever way..but im not going to be near her!

Her birthday is Monday and I was going to have her cake tonight but since she has a cold, my sister doesn't want the baby to catch her cold either, so we have to do it next week sometime...oh what a pain..i hate having to put it off for her! I feel bad...but there is nothing that can be done about it...we are going to do her presents and stuff tonight but cake will have to wait i guess.

My sister had my nephew's pictures done yesterday for "fall/halloween"......he is too cute!!

Well...if im brave enough...i will post progress pics....

I also wanted to give a shout out to Becca, Jessica and Genie who are competing tomorrow!!! Good Luck Girls!!!!

tuesday :)

2009-10-27T11:50:00.000-04:00

I needed to move those pics down....LOL!

18 days and counting......weight was 107.6 this morning.....had shoulders and got in 30 min EMC.

Last night i did 45 min treadmill, 20 min stepper and some abs. Made dinner...ahi tuna and brown rice.

Watched Heroes and took a bath and went to bed....i was tired!!!!

My husband's brother is staying with us for a few days and its really hard...its not good when u dont feel comfortable in your own house. I hate having to worry about being dressed all the time, not leaving anything around, etc. Its hard...im dealing with it....but i want my little life back. You dont realize what you have and what type of groove your life is in until its distrupted.

So tonight Adam has to take Angelica to Karate....i dont want to go home and be there with just him...so i am going to go to my sisters until adam picks me up. But i dont mind cause tonight is Biggest Loser and i like to do my cardio later on tuesdays so i can watch it while i am on the treadmill :) But just the fact that i cant go into my house and be in peace....that bothers me....hopefully it wont be too long.....

A WORK IN PROGRESS

yay...its friday!

Tuesday :)

Monday, January 9, 2012

one day at a time

its been way too long

where do i start?

alive and kicking

Monday, April 25th :)

getting back in the swing of things

alive and well

words of ava ;)

im such a gleek :)

is it possible?

Happy New Year....(a week late)

Tuesday :)

P28 Bread Review

Banana Walnut Crumb Muffins

happy wednesday

its me!

see its another tuesday already!

Happy Tuesday :)

better

thoughts

its Friday :)

how does it happen?

metabolism

cupcakes

finally...a little update ;)

quickie ;)

Monday--75 days

Thursday ---86 days to go

Last to first :)

the only one stopping me is me!

Friday --99 days to go

Wednesday 101

Monday-103 days

Great Quote

Wednesday-108 days left

Monday-110 days to go

Thursday-115 days

Tuesday--116 days to go

Monday-Back to it (117 days to go)

Happy Friday :)

ok...last one ;)

In keeping with my last post ;)

if im not doing it...someone else is

Strength

little update ;)

:)

tuesday :)

Q&A

Wednesday

one day at a time

****disclaimer**** Im PMSing ;)

thought of the day

Wednesday

tuesday :)

Am i that boring??

who will win?

Friday :)

Happy Thursday :)

Wednesday

im back!

One More Day!!!

play on

its the little things

gross

slacker

snow!

Tuesday but feels like monday :)

Tuesday :)

Believe

January 12, 2010

Wednesday :)

new year---new me

Happy New Years!!!!!

wannabe?

My Review of 2432

My Review

disclaimer Im PMSing ;)