worst blogger award ;)

I think im going to get the "worst blogger of the year" award....

to be honest, if i was full of motivation and goal setting and had that kick ass attitude, then maybe i would have been blogging more...but unfortunately that has not been the case...basically what it comes down to is that i will do well during the week....weekend comes and it all goes to shit....

now repeat that over and over since january....

now, back in January  i had  these big plans and be ready to try and compete again....right now i cant see that happening.....

i tried setting baby goals for myself....that didn't really work either.

I keep trying to figure out what i can do to follow my dreams...to get my head on straight....to stay focused and determined and all that good stuff....

And i think what it all comes down to is this....me wanting it and me doing it are two different things....my desire to have what i want and doing the work to get there....me feeling like a champion rather than feeling like a failure....

i can have all the desire and the dreams in my head that i want...until it is acted out...that is all it is...a dream....

I live it all out by watching everyone else accomplish their dreams...while i sit there and then feel bad that i haven't done it.

I honestly dont know what im waiting for???  I think im afraid of failing...im afraid of pushing myself mentally and physically...because we all know how much easier it is to give up than to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

I have a trainer and a team that i pay very good money for every month....you would think that maybe i would want to put all that money to good use and do what im supposed to do?

I cant needs to be removed from my mindset.....every excuse that goes through my head needs to disappear if i want to accomplish anything.....

So on that note.....

I will attempt to update more :)

new year!

Where can I start? 

I can start off with a Happy New Years!  Im only 9 days late…

The holidays were nice.  Part of me is glad they are over.  I don’t like having food in front of me constantly and having to run here and there and everywhere trying to get stuff done.  

I started my new meal/workout plan on Monday.  I have my work cut out for me if I want to get on stage this year, which is my goal…since I didn’t fulfill my goals for last year.  I know last year I started off the same way and then it all fell to shit…once again.  I refuse to let that happen again. 

I stopped using Splenda as of Monday...i wonder if that will help???  Im using stevia and very little cream in my coffee...we will see? Some say it bloats you...im not sure if im bloated or just fat!  LOL!

One of the main reasons is that im at a higher weight than I have ever been in my entire life!!  Im getting older and its getting harder for the weight to come off too I guess?  Well, that and the fact that I ate crap constantly and then wonder why I gained weight? 

There are a few shows that im contemplating…

May 4^th in Pittsburgh…which is like 17 weeks away?  Not sure if that is enough time…

June 1^st…which is 21 weeks?  Atlantic States in NYC..

June 29^th – Philadelphia (Tracy Greenwood) which is like 25 weeks away…seems like an insane amount of time, but anyone who knows, knows how fast it goes by!

So my plan of attack is this….as of now…..

The Arnold (yay April!!)…..so I want to be down about 10 by then….which is 8 weeks away.  This should hopefully give me some idea if I can lose the weight like I need to and then be able to continue on that path.

Go to Daytona sometime in March/April to do Bombshell Camp so I can have  a better timeline of what I need to do. 

One of the toughest parts is trying not to get down on myself.  I am constantly bashing myself in my head.  I need to be confident and secure. 

One of my favorite sayings is “don’t give up on something that you cannot go one day without thinking about” ….executing it is going to be what I need to work on ;)

Until next time….

hi...remember me?

Wow!  I cannot believe how long its been since i last blogged...

I really need to get a grip ;)

So what has been going on ?  Nothing really...im in a constant state of doing well eating and working out...then the weekend comes and i eat off plan....and then monday i start over being "good" again....and the circle continues....i dont know if i will ever learn?

My niece's christening was on Saturday.  That was nice...

Halloween has come and gone..and already...next week is Thanksgiving!  Really scary how time flies.

I have high hopes for me sometimes....then i have those days where i want to quit and eat a cake....thinking why am i even bothering?

Then i know....i know what i want to be...and yet, sometimes unwilling to do what it takes to get there.  But the whole question is why?

If all i can think about is getting the body that i want and to get back on stage and be proud of myself once again..why does my head constantly fuck with me and then i stand in my own way?

I have been doing this to myself for years and years....what will it take for me to tell all the doubts and fears that i have to go away and just let myself push forward and be what i need to be?  what i want to be?   To do what im supposed to do and not let food have the upper hand....because that is all it comes down to.....100%....what i put in my mouth....


Over and over again....i do it to myself...and i get mad at myself....and then i try to stay positive and not let negative thoughts get to me...

I have to want the body more than the food.....

This is inspiration for me....she is a mom, works full time and she is 52 years old....all i can say is wow!

This is too.....this is one of the bombshell coaches Andrea....

and then there is me.......one week out from KY Muscle in 2009....

So i know i can do this...i have done it before....i need to get my head on straight and know that i can do this....

I just wanted to post this to my blog...i loved this interview of Nathalia after winning the O over the weekend :)
Nathalia Melo

hey...remember me??

It has been way too long....it seems as though i say that alot ;)

So what is new?

Well Im an aunt again :)  My sister had her baby last week....8/14/12.  Mia Julia :)  She is super cute..and super tiny :)

My birthday came and went....we went to NYC overnight.....took the train up and  walked around all day and then checked in to our hotel by 4:00 and didn't have much time to relax because the show was at 7:00.  We waited outside to meet Jim Parsons and we waited almost an hour.....he came out and signed maybe 5 autographs and then ran into his car and was gone....the show was good though..we really enjoyed it.  After the show we went to dinner and then walked some more....same thing the following day...we did a lot of walking and sight seeing...it was a lot of fun!

So much more to write but honestly, it was almost two months ago!  I forget ;)  I am 40 now you know ;)


So what else is going on in my world?  nothing much really.  Pretty boring stuff...yes, i can complain if you want....LOL!

ok...like how about the fact that i have continuously continued to mess up with my diet...over and over again...to the point where it is now out of the question that i can even attempt to get on stage this year....again!

Or the fact that i am heavier than i have been in a long time.....and no matter what i seem to do, i fall back on bad habits and i just cant get ahead?

Does that sound better?  it sounds like me :)


I want to be positive...and i try to be....and then i look at myself in the mirror.

I need to realize one thing....and basically, it all comes down to this.....im unhappy with the way that i look....and it needs to change....so i need to change.....im tired of being unhappy with me.  

Countdown to 40

I have been wanting to blog for god knows how long now.  So many things have been going on and I wanted to blog, just for the fact that I want to have some sort of rememberance of when things happened and I can look back on them for future reference.

The past month or so has been a blur.  I have been going in 500 directions constantly but yet feel as though I have got nothing accomplished.

I am turning the big 4-0 on Thursday!  I have no idea how that happened but it is…I don’t feel 40, nor do I think I look it.  It is a scary number, but thankfully I’m not really one of those people that it bothers.  I could care less…it is really just a number…nothing will change one way or the other…but we are actually doing something fun…me and Adam are going to NYC overnight :)  We are staying at the Radisson and he got me tickets to Harvey on Broadway!  (Jim Parsons from Big Bang is playing he lead…I love Sheldon ;)..LOL) …I hear that you can wait either before hand or after to see if you can meet the cast…that would be so cool!!  On Friday, I got tickets to do the NBC studio tour.  I haven’t been to New York in a looong time!  Probably close 20 years. Actually I remember the last time I was there…it was when Princess Diana was killed…..when was that??  (I just looked it up…august 1997…so that is 15 years)..So it’s been a while…so I’m excited :) 

On Saturday, I am going to dinner with my family for my birthday…I didn’t want any party or anything….my mom was asking me what I wanted….I told her I had no idea….Carrie Underwood is coming in concert in November…I told her I want to get tickets for that…so, me, my mom and my sister are going to go :)

Adam surprised me with a Kindle Fire on Friday for my birthday too :)  I love it!!  I just feel bad because I have the other kindle now that I don’t know what to do with….it’s perfectly good….but the fire is more fun :)

What else is going on???  Hmmm…

We finally got the bathroom redone.  They finished that up last week.  We had some setbacks with it.  Remodeling is a pain in the ass.  Seriously.  Between going back to Lowe’s a zillion times, them selling something we paid for and they forgot to put aside for us.  Scheduling the plumber, then having an issue with the pipes.  Then having to have it painted after all the construction…then after all  was said and done, taking a shower and then seeing water coming out from underneath the shower doors….and now it has to be resealed…which meant that we couldn’t take showers AGAIN because it had to be dry…so needless to say, it has been an adventure…..and it still has to be cleaned…because there is dust and whatever else in there….I haven’t had a chance to go the “good cleaning” and put everything back yet.  Don’t get me wrong…it looks really good!  And I’m glad we did it…but it’s a pain in the ass to make sure everything gets done when it’s supposed to….I’m afraid to even get started on doing the kitchen!

On top of all that, me and my mom have been planning a baby “sprinkle” for my sister who is pregnant and due in August….yes I’m going to be an aunt again :)   So we had that on Saturday!  It turned out really nice….she loved everything!  Thank goodness!

What else??  Oh yeah….why I started this blog….working out ;)

My workout s have been pretty good.  Cardio needs to be better and my eating seriously needs work.  I am having serious food issues….actually I have always had food issues.   Being good with your diet is the most important thing if you are trying to accomplish a goal…whether it is just to lose 10 pounds for vacation or to lose 30 to compete.  Your head has to be completely on straight to be able to get through it.  And that my dear friends is where I fall short.    And I find it amusing (in my own head, of course) that throughout the course of my day (week, month), all that I do is basically read and think about is competing.  To be able to get back to where I was last year and be better than I was and try and get my ass on stage again.  That, I think is the worst part….because if that is all that I think about, read about, etc., it should be a no-brainer that I fulfill what I want to do, right?  But then I go and eat something I shouldn’t and then it all goes downhill.    

I find that everything I have to do, I think about what am I going to do about eating?  Or what can I eat?  It just seems that everything social revolves around food…which really sucks…how do people stay on schedule all the time?  There is so much going on all the time and my meals get screwed up.  Yes I know I cannot eat like everyone else if I want to accomplish something that most cant, but sometimes I want to be like everyone else.  It’s a vicious circle….and then I look back over the past months/year, etc., and I have not accomplished anything that I wanted to….and it is all due to the lack of willpower when it comes to food.  How could I want to do something so bad and then not do what it takes to get it?  That is the question!  I need to get over the whole “I’m missing out” mentality and just do what I need to do.  I know I’m never going to get what I want unless I do what I’m supposed to do…but then I feel like I’m constantly self sabotaging myself by shoving something in my face. 

Ok…I’m done bashing myself.  I want this to be a positive thing…not a negative thing.  And I think that by always being negative is bringing on a negative reaction.  So I need to look ahead with a good mindset and try and do what I need to do.    Who knows what I can accomplish if I just did what I needed to do??

:)

Wow...i am just constantly saying that i am going to update and days go by...then it turns to weeks.  So crazy how fast time just goes.

Work has been busy (which is where i usually write).

Workouts are good.  I have missed a few cardio sessions here and there.  Weight loss is slow...but that is my fault.  Too much picking here and there and the weekends are usually a mess.   So my progress has not been great.

Some days i am so super motivated, and then other days...not so much.  

***

We are redoing some things in the house.  We are starting with the bathroom. We picked out the tile and then over the weekend we went and picked out the shower hardware/sink, cabinet and shower doors.  Im super excited about getting a new bathroom :)  Then we are going to re-carpet Angelica's room and get her new furniture and then we will do downstairs.

So many things going on in these next few months.  My friend Jen turned 40 on the 17th and we went out for her birthday last week.  Went to dinner and then to some bar (i hate bars/clubs....especially crowded ones)  i was ready to go home by 11:00.  Thank god it didn't go too much later...i was home by 12:20 :)

My friend Sherri turns 40 on April 23...her party is on the 28th.  

My nephew turns 4 on the 14th.  My niece turns 4 on Easter Sunday.

Our friends got engaged and their engagement party is on June 1st.

Then I turn 40 at the end of June...

oh yeah, and i want to train to compete during all of this!

Haven't figured out what shows to do yet.  June, August, Sept, Oct and November are all possibilities...depending on me to be ready or not.    One of the definite shows is november though ;)

I resigned with Bombshell too for another year :)

i guess that is all i have right now.....

i will try to be a better blogger :)

Just a quick post....feeling wonderful today...it doesn't happen often so i wanted to have it documented...especially since i felt so horrible yesterday and i wanted to quit, give up and just say "f' it"....it was just one of those days....they are going to happen...more often then i want them...but i have to just get through them and remember that there will be good days and bad :)

Today i got up and did 42 min on the treadmill and then went to the gym and did shoulders and triceps :)

Still jotting down my goals.....

figuring them out......

i will get them down :)

yay...its friday!

Well its friday!!  YAY!

Did pics and weigh in....not too great...but im looking at this as my starting point.....my eating was 99% this week....and so were my workouts....cardio was lacking a little...but all in all i think it was a great week...so my new word will be consistency......and i need to stay accountable.....

I want to be able to see weekly changes in my body...and in order to do that i need to stay consistent :)

This weekend is supposed to be crappy weather.  Snow tonight into tomorrow.  Not sure when we are getting Angelica yet.

My ceiling in my kitchen is still leaking....the plumber came on monday and said it wasn't a pipe....if it was a pipe it would be a constant leak....its really getting on my nerves that we cant find this problem....we have had 2 roofers, a water specialist and two plumbers....i want this done and over so we could do what we need to do in the house.

We are ripping up the bathroom and having it re-tiled, new sink/vanity.

I like this tile...

and after that is done i want to do the kitchen....

if i could...i would love to be able to do these colors....

well that is where my brain is.....

working on my short/long term goals.....

will be posting them soon :)

Oh...and Sally from Neumans Own Organic sent me some samples of their new cookies and licorice....i will be trying them this weekend and posting my review :)

bye!

Tuesday :)

Hi all...

Well yesterday i took my first boxing class....it was interesting....i burned 440 calories so that was nice.....Im not sure if i would take it again though....basically all it was, was 10 min on your own jumping rope...then push ups and mountain climbers.  then it was 3 rounds of bag punches....about 2 min intervals at which you did a sprint across the gym and back in-between each set of punches...then he had you do a bunch of crunches.,..while he stood there....and yelled what to do next...standing in the corner.....he did come over to me and help me put my gloves on since it was my first time...but all and all, i wasn't too impressed.  And yesterday was leg day too in the morning, so i was really sore when i got home....

today was shoulders/triceps....my upper body is sore but im not sure if it is sore from boxing or my shoulder workout.....either way, im glad im a little sore :)

Weekend was nothing special.....we had Angelica on Friday-Saturday.  Saturday night we went to dinner with friends of ours...i actually just got a salad with seared tuna on it....nothing on the menu was really interesting me....oh well.  it was nice to get out :)

Sunday i went food shopping and prepped for the week.  My meal plan is pretty good this month so its not hard to stick with.  I must do pics on friday for Gen...i haven't done them in forever!!!

i guess that is all i got right now ;)